2020 sucked…yep. I have both felt and watched the ‘train-2020’ go off the rails. Notsomuch fun as torturous, and honestly I do not want to go back and rehash the garbage year — Nor do I want to give you more of the good that happened and will the good that will happen in 2021. Basically blow smoke up your ass that everything isn’t nearly as bad as you think, or wasn’t as bad as a Patrick Swayze movie on a Tuesday. (Pause here and reread that. It was a tongue and thought twister even in my brain. I’m confused.
So what is this post really about then? Ummm. Nothing. Everything. Bananas. Maybe eggplant? Here’s a list. A list to tease a HUGE list about ‘shame’ to START the new year and, yea…Nothing.
1. SMILE. What the hell else are you gonna do?
2. Odds are NOT in your favour that you’ll survive 2021. Honestly though, it’s NO different than looking ahead to any other year. Your chances of survival are (and were) crappy at best.
3. One dose now and a little for later? Even vaccinations are not going to save our stupid species – if this doesn’t force our own extinction (much like the dire threat of nuclear world war threatened) something ELSE will. Sooner than later.
4. FAKE NEWS. Bullsh!t. Some shoddy reporting YES. But making it up? Not very good indeed but…Don’t buy it.
5. It has ALL been……
Forget it. We’re all goina die. We’re all going to be over-the-moon successful.
WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE, AND DO, WHATEVER WE WILL BE. Try or not try. We WILL be something. Just shut up humans! and just BE.
HAPPY NEW YEAR KIDS! Raise a covid-friendly glass!
Tomorrow.
2022. Whatever.
What did Nostradamus say? What does the farmer’s almanac say? Cyndi Lauper? Freddy Mercury? Your psychic or the dog catcher?
Month: December 2020
Spinnin’ the Plates – First Part
Usually. This is the introduction part. HOWEVER for this *series* of posts…notsomuch.
Except to state a topic, and suggest a hole – said topic should be buried in.
I know you WILL cringe throughout, but stick with it. The cringes will be fairly short-lived and hopefully we can work together for a common goal – that goal being to PERMANENTLY (wishful thinking) bury the sh!t DEEP in… history.
30,000 foot view: At that level…you don’t see sh!t – just clouds
Game Changer: Pick a game. Pick a game changer. Nothing changed did it? Next…
Agree to Disagree: WHAT? We’re disagreeing right now. GaaK.
Best thing since sliced bread: Sliced bread is great? A bad knock-knock joke is great…
The devil is in the details: Yea. NO! Remember grade school? Math? You were told to ‘show your work.’ Does that mean your math teacher is promoting the summoning the devil down from – err UP from hell?
Beat a Dead Horse: ummm WHY?
You don’t know what you don’t know: GaaaaK! and FVCK!!!!!!!
Finish with a couple similar ones…On the way to Part Too. Yes kids. There’s more to come! Whatever right?
Sh!t the bed, Drink from the Firehose: GaaaaK!
Humans are stupid. Just stupid.
Knix – NOT a Commercial
AND definitely not an endorsement. That said. I am confident that my questions from the outside are valid, however i’m sure that at least a couple of you fine readers, and a couple of folks over there at Knix will be, at the very least, annoyed.
I see the commercials on TV and online and Knix is selling their ‘period-undies.’ The commercials say that their underpants are ‘The most reliable period-undies.’ And that women are tired of disposables, because they are disposable and they create garbage. Or a line similar to that. The commercial continues and I admit that I can’t recall the words, thanks in large part to the fact I was confused and troubled by the first 10-15 seconds. Now the name alone raised some questions in my squirrel brain, and that statement only perplexed me further. OBVIOUSLY, as a guy, I am not an expert on these sorts of things. Nor have I studied the subject enough (at all) to responsibly make any recommendations. Now the commercial uses the chemistry flask to pour a liquid in the undies, to show (oddly JUST like you’d see in a Pampers or Huggies commercial) that there is no leaking. Now the announcer says that the undies move with a woman’s body while asleep and indicates that women will not have to use those leaky, not working, tampons or pads that have been used for the last 500 years or so.
Think of these last paragraphs as one big question.
As I have already said, I’m a guy, so the intricacies of this might be a bit off. So I have taken directly from the commercial that these undies are to TAKE THE PLACE OF leaky tampons that, again, haven’t worked for the past 500 years. Now, the whole leak-guard Pampers thing to keep leaks in the underpants while sleeping, combined with it’s ability to absorb even more liquid, a woman will be mess-free. Seems reasonable right?
I know nearly every single one of you reading this have changed a diaper on a baby. Leak guard or not, I further assert that no matter how GREAT Pampers or Huggies or otherwise ARE – There’s a def reason WHY the top drawer in the change table, and the front pocket of the diaper bag, contain a product to treat your youngster’s diaper-rash. Am I the ONLY ONE seeing a problem with the plan Pinky and The Brain have come up with here? One last question. Ladies…a diaper?
Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking… I mean, what would the children look like?
Narf!
jaXasms.ca 