A long post – where it usually isn’t. I had composed a long diatribe about the selfish among us. It was saddening, it was remorseful, and it was straight out the rib-box – the heart shaped box. So WHY am I not writing that version of this post? Because friends, because it, like me today, IT was filled with anger, with hate, with me screaming into the void that I shouldn’t HAVE to remember. If you want to read that version of the post…Shoot me an email email@example.com let me know WHY you want to read my anger. Or don’t. Doesn’t matter cause I’ll send it to you anyway. It hurts. Instead I am just riffing. Here it is, off-the-cuff.
Hold your family, friends, almost-friends, and notsomuch friends close. Call them. Often. And if you can’t ACTUALLY hold them – Call ‘em again! Now dammits. WAY beyond what you think mights be too much/many.
What was long – I just riffed in half and more. My hug: For every eye reading this, please accept it – My only ask in return for this free virtual hug – is to PASS IT ON! A relatively easy ask – SO THATYOU don’t have to say the words that I am saying today and tonight and probably a LONG time to come.
I wish I’d…
EVERY NEW BEGINNING COMES FROM SOME OTHER BEGINNING’S END.
NOT because of my weekend-fail am I am making a couple adjustments to my written posting and sarCast postings. It was just because dates and and schedule were a necessity. I will just leave that ‘double’ on the table here.
ALL scheduled posts will happen on THURSDAYS now. Both written and sarCast(s) will be on site on Thursdays. Set your clocks to it.
(((This one. A scoop! I’m the ONLY one! Ok you too now))
Another look at your relationship – whichever kind – ONLY catch: It’s for exclusive and good friendship relationships and maybe will bleed into familial ties too. It is not like me to recommend SILENCE for much…BUT when I do… I just do.
Ever suspect your partner of lying? Evasiveness? Cheating? For THAT matter…Do you want a promotion and don’t know how to ask? Or think you deserve a better letter grade for a school/college/university project? Your KEY to ALL of the above? Yep. SILENCE.
And HERE is why. It may be a fatal human flaw…Or maybe just a fatal COMMUNICATION flaw. Human beings. Nearly ALL human beings (except YOU if you follow my lead here! And NO I am NOT teaching anyone HOW to lie more effectively. The opposite actually) So pay attention gals and guys. (Rabbits and Squirrels) Squirrels just TRY to keep up – and read it again if need be. Most humans CANNOT sit in silence. Silence is SO awkward for the human brain that it just can’t let it happen. Even if it’s only gibberish, a human will speak, laugh, any other utterance or noise just to avoid it. FACT.
SO, knowing that, DO THIS when you want to find out anything. Pay attention kids! (This is the part of our story where I EXPLAIN the point to you.)
The problem you face: You think your partner (Rabbit OR Squirrel) cheated on you last Saturday night. Whether on good authority or you’re just jealous – HERE is how you get the truth Every. Single. Time. You’re going to ask ONE question. Formulate the ONE question in advance so you don’t screw it up! You want it to be both vague AND specific, with defined parts. Without any further explanations….the Question: Something like this: “When you were out with friends on Saturday, after all your drunken friends and you left the bar…Why did you head over to that guy’s/girl’s place, have sex, and spend the night all tangled up in one another?” The shorter the question the better – as to not allow for argument on details, accusations etc. When you reach the end of your question, SHUT UP! Do not say another word until you’ve gotten an answer.
Silence is your only friend right now. Remember back up there a ways? Humans HAVE to fill silence. HAVE TO. So leave it SILENT! Now the other side will ask questions – DON’T answer any of them. They will try to change the subject, voice objections, make accusations, and even accuse you of the same thing. (Pay attention to details as you silently sit unresponsive. Their accusations and details of those accusations will tell you the story of Saturday night. Just note them – don’t outwardly acknowledge them.
Still silent they must talk. Whether in circles or squares – they will attempt to MAKE you talk. Nope. It will eventually lead to the word BUT. Now you really pay attention cause the TRUTH is on it’s way. You might not BELIEVE or LIKE the things said but stay SHUT UP.
And THAT’S IT. There. Is the truth – Turns out – It WAS out there. Use your new power carefully! If you get the concept – its applications are nearly limitless.
I saw a funny on that internet thing – It WAS funny, reminded me of this toon, but of course I overthought it and here we are today.
Admitting that I am not an animal scientist or researcher the fact that the one-liner joke caught my attention is – well odd.- The joke/line was this: How is porcupine procreation possible? I GOT the joke, but failed to get the answer to that question. (In my brain anyway) Anyone else SEE the rabbit hole there? DON’TWORRY! I did!
How the porcupines ‘did it’ begs MY obvious question – HOW do humans ACTUALLY procreate? I mean, not only is the path TO the bedroom riddled with land-mines, but so are the foreplay, the lubrication (pardon the pun), the ACT, the post coitus, the ALIVE post coitus post coitus, the inevitable social, and MAYBE the bizarre decision to wade into the landmines AGAIN – knowing the potential results.
And here we are. You MAY have wasted almost two minutes of you life reading this post – But i HAVE saved you a trip through all the landmines. And a whole lot of embarrassment after your amazing 2 minutes of the sex.