From the files of Stupid Is EXACTLY what Stupid Does! Note: ALL of these incidents – ADULTS over 18 years of age. What did these ADULTS do exactly? I’m happy you asked! ALL of the following items were inserted into their ass – AND – ended up in the emergency room as a result. I couldn’t even make some of these items up! Humans are stupider than sticks and stones.
1. 2. First two items on the list, are in fact, sticks and stones
3. Candy, both hard and soft
4. Gum. Chewed and un chewed
5. Nail Polish bottle
6. Nail Polish Remover bottle
7. Beer bottle. Full AND empty
8. Peanut Butter
9. Flash Light
10. House key
11. Car key
12. Key fob
13. Hot Wheels cars
14. Cel Phone
15. A gun
16. A pint glass
17. Sea Shell(s)
19. A condom containing almost ALL of the items on this list.
20. Restaurant Creamer
21. Jams/Jellies of the restaurant individual packet kind
22. A dildo. NO surprise on that item – BUT – also lodged in the dude’s ass WITH the dildo? The BBQ tongs he used to try and remove said item
23. Woody, Buzz, AND Mr. Potato Head’s ear. At the SAME TIME!
24. A Zippo cigarette lighter
25. And from the stationary/porn? store – Office Depot etc. A pencil, pen, erasers, pencil sharpener
26. USB Drive
27. Sh!t emoji USB Drive
28. Seriously? A mayonnaise JAR
29. You know what – I will just stop numbering individually right here at a usual suspect Cucumber. The rest of the produce department items are ALL at 30.
30. Carrot, YES, an eggplant, Banana of course, BUT a turnip? Yep that too. A DOZEN grapes – don’t know if they were green, red, seedless, or domestic – a Japanese orange (the Christmas kind), a sunkist orange, (the BIG ONE) ***As a side note – the hospital record noted that the peel ripped and, also according to the report, “It stung like hell. The patient was in agony the entire time the removal took place”
AND finally – no more of all that *normal* stuff – I will finish with, what hospital nurses and doctors called ODD items:
Remote Control, Handle of a hammer, spoons, forks, knives (butter AND steak knives), a baby bottle!, a Vape (large), and finally – recently – AirPods. Kinda see those finding their way into an ass – but there’s always a BUT in the butt – The AirPods were in their charging case.