Posted in @jaxasms

So this (these) happened today


ONE part – a question I was asked indirectly out in the wild today, the OTHER part – the origin of my *new* and very stolen phrase ‘Out in the Wild.’

I will start with the INSANE question I mostly overheard in a conversation i was having with a friend. (Said friend had a friend who uttered the insanity) Then part deux. Out in the Wild.

Without a further distracted paragraph – the INSANE statement was this: “I caught my son (17) doing sex with one of his buddies – Is there a way to tell if he’s gay for sure?”

Now, in all honesty, it was ALL I could possibly do, to NOT jump up and down screaming at this guy. I mean – Just HOW STUPID ARE YOU!!!??!!!?? I can feel my one good nerve fraying as I write this. This was a GROWN ADULT with a reputable job, AND a family with kidS! aged 10 to 17. Did I mention he has a university degree, in science?

So, ONE LAST scream into the void – Dude. ARE YOU FOR. REAL!!?? ARE YOU AN IDIOT!!?? ARE YOU AN IMBECILE!? WHO EXACTLY BRUSHES YOUR TEETH AND TIES YOUR SHOES FOR YOU IN THE MORNING!!??

I’m not a doctor, or an expert on sex – But I THINK that I can safely, quite safely, tell you that your son – is gay. for. sure. For. Sure. – Good for him! If you hadn’t already decided to SAY NOTHING – SAY NOTHING TO HIM DUMMASS!! In fact I would further suggest you take a vow of silence (or whatever) for EVER. I’m sure that when you use your voice, or your thinking brain, you have MUCH trouble breathing and seeing.

The OTHER part now.

julytalk.com


https://www.youtube.com/embed/jFwB5ayV0vQ

Out in the Wild. Click the link above because this wordpress platform will NOT LET ME post a video thumbnail unless I pay MORE hundreds of dollars. I’ve paid WAY MORE THAN ENOUGH on this platform already. Email me for the *errm wordpress review if YOU are looking to start a blog or website.

Back to Out in the Wild briefly. Actually Out in the Wild today I had an amazing conversation with another July Talk fan – and believe me that is fairly rare! Both that I had an actual conversation with a human FACE TO FACE in this pandemic thing, and with a fellow admirer of the amazing July Talk! 🙏

So yea…Click the link for July Talk! July is almost here – and I can SEE a July Talk show coming in the next couple of months? Hopefully.

Posted in Homeless, Narcissist-ing

why so effin angry bro?


Probably a question we humans SHOULD be asking ourselves in the morning mirror instead of ego-boosting self flatteries, or on the internet asking which fetish for breakfast on the PornHub this morning.

Humans NEED to calm the fvck down. It’s just like the majority of our earthly problems in 2021 (NO. Not covid) – it’s rooted in our extreme encouraged narcissism.

I ACTUALLY have to weed through the letters to me here at jaxasms.ca – to outright DELETE some of the hateful words, comments, insults, blah blah blah. HATE. HATE. HATE. I get SOME of the anger (at least mine) cause other humans suck, I suck, and you suck.

But really? We MUST just calm the fvck down kids!

I mean, honestly, we are angry about the MOST ridiculous things that DO NOT directly impact any of us. Who cares if your nosey neighbour walks his dog at 5am? Does it actually affect you in ANY way? No, no it doesn’t. A dog in the cul-de-sac barking non-stop? The answer is in the statement – NON-STOP. That ‘non’ word dear human MEANS NO! In this case NO STOPPING! So it’s annoying, yes, it’s not necessary, yes – but it is def NOT worth popping-your-top over? Right?

Notsomuch COMMON SENSE abound. In the dog, the dog owner, the neighbours, and YOU.

EVERY human (including me, including you) NEED to just calm the fvck down. Stop being so angry! Bro?

Posted in @jaxasms

Guest Bloggers WANTED/NEEDED!!!!!!


Are YOU, a FRIEND of you, a FRIEND of me, A blogger that wants cross-post opportunities, a WRITER looking to get into blogging, a NON-WRITER looking to blog, a twitterer looking for a side-gig, ANY social influencer/writer looking to expand, plus millions MORE –

If you want a steady, one-off, random, or……….gig – send me a note with a copy of your work, any story ideas relating (very loosely even) to sarcasm, satire, wisdom, wit, funny – to jaxasms@icloud.com – and let’s work together!!

Posted in @jaxasms

b!tch


And THIS Happened Today:

Fairly simple setup. At least for me anyway. I am leaving a local store, not a Wally’s or The Bay – an actual local store, after picking up batteries. (NOT for that sicko!) –

So I am finished at the till, and turn to head for the exit. On my way out I see a woman (a middle-aged woman which will be important in a moment) and she has some of the most amazing ink work (tattoo) I have seen in a very long time. While the woman herself did not put the ink on her arm and shoulder, i felt like I HAD to compliment her on the piece. So I DID. And this is EXACTLY what I said: “Excuse me. I just had to tell you – I think your ink is amazing!” I was smiling, did not touch her, in fact I was about 4 feet away from her with my mask on, and ONLY said those words.

Her response, “No you fvcking don’t – fvcker.”

This is how the rest of THAT conversation went:
”Excuse me?” I responded in FULL ON SARCASM TONE. To which she said, “Fvck you, you slimy perverted fvck!”
“Did I NOT just compliment SOMEONE ELSE’S work on YOUR arm,” I replied NOT POLITELY, followed by, “or did I say different words than the AMAZING INK I thought I said?” – honestly stepping on her next statement, “????<#@$# (The part I talked over) just get away from me!”

Ok, the ‘my-side.’ I WAS NOT hitting on, or flirting with, the woman. She was a rather unattractive, unwashed, and UNmasked, middle-aged hippie or homeless person. So SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that I was definitely complimenting someone else, and NOT her.

I admit that I was insulted and needed to put some time-space between the incident and penning this story.

BUT with distance and some hindsight, I WILL say that I am not good with compliments. Especially face to face. I have no idea how to respond to them, and likely come off as awkward and dumb. I KNOW – those are the TOP TWO actions that indicate flirting, BUT, ummm, errrrrm, I don’t know where I was headed with that thought EXCEPT to maybe say this:

She had a few appropriate options available to her I think? – She could have easily JUST walked away, like she did, but with her mouth shut? She could have grunted, looked up and shot a dirty look? She could have said “thanks” and walked away? Or (an option just a little bit OUT THERE) She could have torn off her tank top revealing her naked and dirty upper body and one of her first ever body alterations, her likely pierced belly button and Celtic tramp-stamp on her lower back, and danced a little jig to The Captain and Tennille playing on the store’s in-house mix tape, before floating out of the store on her cloud-fricken-6, or first gen jet-ski bought at Canadian Tire in 1991 – having a kiss-my-ass patch on the ass of her white-trash version of cut-off shorts, with pockets and flaps hanging out the front, and bruised-looking ass cheeks falling out the back.

OR MAYBE – what would YOU have done, in either case – me or her?

Posted in the salon episodes

No PG Scavenger Hunt


Over the course of this pandemic, one little thing I noticed was the extents to which online teachers have gone to keep kids interested in online learning. This got my sometimes childish brain thinking about one of the activities they partooken in. A (various topics) scavenger hunt event was VERY popular with the children, and also popular with educators looking for *new* ways to teach the very often ADHD kids science or math.

The last feature I saw was a scavenger hunt for coloured, and various shaped objects in the children’s’ bedrooms. So I thought, OF COURSE, of an adult version of such a project.

So – HERE IT IS! I don’t care WHAT you find in your homes, but I want to hear about what you DID FIND! Whether or not you have roommates or family in your place I want you to scavenge! Not colours or shapes the ONLY criteria I present to you is that it MUST be an item that you keep/store in a hidden like place. A drawer, cupboard, toilet tank, bedside table – a spot that if you had guests in your home – would be hidden from sight.

Whatever is in those places – Tell me what it/they is/are. For fun! TAKE A PICTURE and send it to me! If you wish to remain anonymous – say so in your letter. I’ll only use FIRST names and NO PICS of YOU!

Dial it up! I want to know the TRUTH! Let’s KEEP it on an adult level as not many children frequent a website about SARCASM and DOUBLE/TRIPLE ENTENDRES. Just NOT their thing. I’ll post your photos unless there is something ILLEGAL in them, and I WILL NOT report ANY stories to authority-like figures.

Let’s have some FUN! Send all your details to jaxasms@icloud.com and then watch here for ALL the entertainment I am sure we’ll muster!

HOPEFULLY be forewarned!