by jacK: staffwriter (jaxasms.ca)
How about a few top 3’s? Deal?
The top 3 reasons to go into work NAKED!
3. No one’s EVER going to steal your chair.
2. It definitely diverts attention from the fact that you showed up drunk. Again.
AND #1 – it’s a GREAT way to meet that guy/girl in HR you’ve been hoping to flirt with!
The top 3 things you’ll NEVER hear a grrrrl (woman) say.
3. Hey! Get a whiff of that one!
2. You’re so smart! Can you be the brain for both of us?
AND #1 — WOW! It really IS 14 inches!
The top 3 things you won’t hear a boy (man) say.
3. I think we’re lost – we’d better pull over and get some directions.
2. I think I LOVE that ‘Murder She Wrote’ chick.
AND #1 – You know something babe? We haven’t been to the mall in ages. Let’s go shopping!
The top 3 rejected Valentine’s Day cards.
3. I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny,
So, right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!
2. I bought this Valentine’s card at the store,
In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.
1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
The top 3 signs your wife/girlfriend has lost that loving feeling. (With a bonus or 2)
3. She keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
2. During the sex, she actually yelled out, “Oh, Baby, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.”
1. Keeps asking “Are you SURE you’re not gay?”
Bonus 2. After you start the foreplay she stops you and says, “Just wait for the NyQuil to kick in OK?”
Bonus 1. She bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE starting to get naked.
FINALLY – A TO-DO list for the NEXT… visit to the WalMart. (In a double-3 format.)
1. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly “Hey! You’re out of toilet paper in here!”
2. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say, “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
3. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
4. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
5. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
6. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.
AND LAST AND #7. Move all of the ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ signs to carpeted areas.