Changes to Only Fans and PornHub Over and Under Blown [Pun Intended]


by: jacK (staffwriter) jaxasms.ca
<satires>

Many [mostly men] people who were worried by recent leaking stories about the removal of porn from mostly porn sites Only Fans, PornHub, and Netflix can pant a little easier this weekend after jaxasms.ca speaks with insiders familiar with pornography, videos, and skate-boarding who say ‘HOLD TIGHT’ as the report appears to be prematurely jaxulated.

Reports in the last week or so had the PornHub, OnlyFans, and NetFlix providers banning porn from their paid services. Blowback was nearly immediate and surprisingly sustained for the week as many [mostly men] have been claiming a violation of varying ‘rights’ and ‘needs.’ Spokespeople for The Internet expressed confusion and that the decisions came as ‘shock and awe’ surprise. And that they were not notified, and the required month’s notice was not given. A spokeshuman for The Internet (wanting to remain anonymous) told me that the trio, if reports were true, would not be getting their damage deposit back, and likely be charged for clean-up of their ‘messes’ and damages made to the world-wide-web.

Speaking exclusively to jaxasms.ca – insiders Dallas Montague and Debbie Rohing agreed that Internet housing agreements would be violated if the rumours turned into fact, resulting in the revoking of damage deposits and the multi-billion dollar clean up charges for the billions of ‘messes’ left all around the web. “Everyone on the Internet and elsewhere is fully aware of the value in porn,” stated Rohing, “But there is always a trade-off when it comes to sex services. I mean the clean-up of all that paper pornography when we here at the Internet set up shop was MASSIVE. The poor environment saw a surge in paper and paper-like solid waste before people (mostly men) made the full-on switch to tube socks.”

“We must be economically real here as the winds of change, like the Scorpions rock and roll radio hit Winds of Change almost predicted,” Montague emphatically stated. She went on to say that maybe it was time to start thinking about government bail-outs for the Internet.” Montague brushed tears from her cheek with a lace braced tissue, and loudly concluded with “The fucking internet is our life! This isn’t a Lego or Arnie movie that will be back!”

Both Montague and Rohing ended this important discussion at that point. Both leaving behind what the industry calls Après-Stills. Their doctored photos (stills) were, what Rohing called, business cards. Stay tuned to jaxasms.ca for any updates and the clean-up status reports.

For your listening parts. The Scorpions Winds of Change as mentioned above courtesy of the YouTube and of course, The Scorpions.

https://youtu.be/n4RjJKxsamQ

Published by jacX

I SEE noise.

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