Month: October 2021

OTTAWA – Doctors and the Canadian Government made a sweetheart ‘vaccine deal’ — APPARENTLY to save the lives of millions of conspiracy theory surrounding a secret vaccine oath between Canadian doctors and the government has been confirmed, revealing medical professionals are pushing vaccinations in order to save your life.

According to Yellowit user @I_M_Alberta_born_baby, the conspiracy was unearthed after he held his new Vaccination card up to a bright light and discovered a hidden symbol: the smirking purple devil emoji. ‘😈’

“Canadian doctors were forced by the government to FORCE the public to get the LIFE-SAVING vaccinations or else they’d lose their jobs,” His Yellowit post went on, “Want proof? My friend Wayne’s brother’s girlfriend knows things. She listens to podcasts and reads stuff!”

There was something else about a snake and glad bagged chicken wings – but i nodded off and the screen timed out.

“I feel like we’ve been caught with our hands in the cookie jar,” said Doctor Bernadette Tubbs, who admitted to making the deal in a dark alley behind a hospital after she just finished doing back-to-back 24 hour shifts intubating 40-year-old covid patients.

“Now that Canadians know about our nefarious intentions to try and save people’s lives -“ Tubbs continued “ And save those lives through vaccinations, there is nothing we can do to retain anybody’s trust.”

In speaking with anti-vaxxer Katelyn Kalio, the mom of 6 told me that doctors are evil and should be in jail. “Why would I put foreign stuff in my body? [quick question Mrs Kalio – how did those 6 children get borneded? Whether by sex or by test-tube, SOMETHING foreign was put inside your body. THAT statement of yours, therefore, is patently FALSE.

Kalio finished by stating angrily, “We SHOULD be using the much talked about, on Facebook, drug Ivermectin. It’s at least proven to work deworming cows and horses alike. Good for them – SHOULD be good for you too.”

And with that I had to stop the interview and do what the former American president suggested and drink some bleach, followed by a healthy eye and ear rinse.

And just to add some more learning! Frankenstein was NOT the monster’s name. The dude that made him was Frankenstein, and the monster was named Frankenstein’s Monster. So there’s that.