The Bigfoot. The Chupacabra. The Dinosaurs. The †Raphus Cucullatus†

and The Humans Coming Soon!!

by jacK: staffwriter (

The dodo bird. I recently stopped by an old friend’s house for a beverage and dinner with him and his family.

First a Caveat — (A caveat is defined as a proviso of specific stipulations, conditions, or limitations. In this case more of an explanation to prevent misinterpretation.)

The caveat: I am NOT the poster-dude for family. Therefore this is NOT a story about family, but a story about humans. I AM one of those. Allegedly. The ‘old friend’ part – I can no longer relate to the guy – His home and other surroundings – and partially his taste in home and personal fashion.

Now there is a bit of a history that has always challenged my brain…so we’ll caveat that too.

Buddy’s name is Dave. notsomuch Lee Roth, Navarro, or Bowie but more a Hasselhoff.

Dave’s surroundings were more like a celebrity reality set than an actual home.

What I am about to do is LIST the stuff in Dave’s life to show a point.

Dave’s adult living/gaming/movie room – shared equally with his 2 pre-teen boys/sons – was like a modern-day museum of art and life. On the far side of the room was one of those classy leather futons finished with a blue sleeping bag for – sleeping? Well worn nonetheless. The TV was one of those big screens with an integrated sound systems.

In front of the massive eye/attention distracting entertaining unit – a Gaming seat. Alexa. TV. Radio/Satellite sources? T-shirt with a sport coat – and a pair of hip-jeans that looked as though they belonged on Shania Twain in an early 2000’s rock video about pick up trucks. Speaking of – he had THREE pickups in the driveway – two of them, he proudly stated, amounted to $1400+ a month in truck payments. Combined with the mortgage and the ‘suspected’ $100+ a day spending money – buddy HAD to be poor. At least house poor.

Both he and his wife have good jobs but still!? The daily/monthly/yearly costs appear on the side of bat-sh!t crazy.

The point I am trying to get at – I KNOW – I hear you muttering GET TO IT! Anyway, the point – While his life seemed great on the surface – I wondered beyond the surface. (That WILL be a startling story to come shortly. And if you didn’t get it – the explanation behind the title of this story and how it all goes together) The point – how could this be anything BUT non-relaxing, and downright miserable.

Looked great – but HAD to suck. Right? On this surface – what do YOU think? Come on – armchair diagnose this will ya?!?!

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