Morals…and Stüff

by jacK: staffwriter (

First quote below is from a CV, second is from an intranet dating site, third is from a local newsletter. ALL of them extolling the virtues of sarcasm. Almost.

<Author redacted>

“…when my business, family, or personal life is challenged, I sincerely appreciate my unique ability to use sarcasm as a tool.”

Okay then Mr. Human Resources Manager.

<Author redacted>

“…men love my sarcastic AF attitude – and I love that sarcasm is like my love language.”

Please Miss. Don’t even CONSIDER me to be loved by you. Love your love-language? The kids table is right over there. Tuh-tuh-shhhhhhh

<Reporter/Restaurant Owner Guy redacted>

“…sarcasm and sarcastic attitudes are what helps our kitchen operate successfully under the extreme pressure felt by having the most popular restaurant in town.”

Just boil an egg buddy. Stay TF away from my home kitchen.

NOW kids, the english definition of the key word used in those three examples.

<Webster’s Dictionary Online>

a.: a mode of satirical wit depending, for its effect, on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual

b.: the use or language OF sarcasm.

And there’s more kids!…some questions/ideas on all that up there…generally speaking.

HOW…After seeing ESPECIALLY the definition of sarcasm, can you possibly think that using it as a descriptor of WHO YOU ARE – is a good thing?

All of the definitions are negative. If you’ve ever been personally sarcasted, you know it doesn’t REALLY feel all that good.

Having sarcasm in your toolbox for your work with others might ‘actually’ be useful to you – BUT – saying so on a CV is probably NOT in your best interest dum-ass.

A CV is an academic or pretentious version of your ‘resume.’ A CV uses probably EVERY smart word in your BRAIN’S toolbox before you are able to finish the ‘contact’ (address/phone number) part.

Curriculum Vitae, a Latin term meaning course of life, got tossed about a lot when I was in graduate school. I’m fairly sure that I pretended to know what it meant the first few times I heard it, only to go home and Google it or look it up in the dictionary*, and educate myself before it came up in casual conversation again.

*A dictionary is/was a shorter – but longhand bound/paper version of Google – BEFORE there was a Google, and before this intranet thing started to gain some popularity.

I quickly learned that dissertation-defending PhDs didn’t have resumes, they had CV’s. Unlike the resume, which lists work history and experiences, along with a brief summary of your unique skills and education, the CV is a far more comprehensive document. It goes above and beyond a mention of education and work experience and often lists—in thoughtful detail—your achievements, awards, honors, and publications, stuff universities care about when they’re hiring teaching staff. Unlike a resume, which is rarely longer than a one-sided single page, the CV can be two, six, or even 12 pages long—depending on your professional achievements.

And the moral of this story is in your C and your V. (Not THAT V. Or I guess the C too.)


One thought on “Morals…and Stüff

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