Part one of a multiple part series looking at cliches and nearly-cliches that drive me nuts! I will TRY NOT to editorialize a tonne throughout – *Note: I said TRY!
“To Be Honest”
How it’s generally said and generally heard: “To be honest, I’d rather drink a bottle of bleach than let you bleach my butt.”
What almost always follows the ‘To Be Honest’ opener is either a straight-up lie OR an exaggeration the person saying it feels is worthy of the ‘appeared’ grandiose statement. A great response…
So everything else you’ve ever said was dishonest then?…you
Example of said and heard: “Basically, quantum theory is about small stuff we can’t see.”
This beauty is used by someone who thinks they are SO INTELLIGENT that they have to stupid-it down for everyone else.. Some people like to think ALL the information they bequeath is so epic that the stupid-it needs to be highlighted.
“I’m Not Even Joking”
Example of it’s use: “I once rode a dinosaur in a shopping mall, I’m not even joking.”
I’m not even joking.
SERIOUSLY though – if dinosaurs did NOT go extinct…you can bet I’d take one out for a spin or two! Jurassic-style.
“With All Due Respect”
My own example of use: ‘With all due respect – I am going to disrespect you now. Spoodge.’
It’s really a lame, weasel-like statement that tries to FURTHER insult the intelligence of the ‘hearer.’ It’s a middle finger used by petulant – arrogant humans.
“Giving It 110%”
Example of the statement in actual use: “It was hard work, but I gave it all of my 110%.”
I suck at mathematics. But even I know that 110% isn’t an actual number. To the speaker of this statement we’ll pretend a guy named Garth — I respond as such…
‘With all due respect Garth, to be perfectly honest, you are basically an idiot – I’m not even joking. Spoodge.