by jacK – staffwriter (jaXasms.ca)

A Coroner’s job

As you know – I have a couple – what are those called? Annoyances? Irritants? Barbs? Maybe not that last one, but I think you get what I am gettin’ at.

I done right reel goods. SO spelling and grammar make me tense. (Yea that’s how to say that.) But which part of that which he spoke? All. Or none. Of the above’ll work. People lie. Everybody lies. So there’s that too.

ANYway. Back to the friendly neighbourhood coroner. Listening to TV news and radio news – AND i can even HEAR AND SEE it done in newspapers – even though spell-check corrects them.
Part of a coroner’s job is to perform (I have NO IDEA WHY ‘perform’ is the grammatically correct term there) – is to perform the autopsy on bodies in the morgue. Yes – autopsy is ALSO the correct word. That’s the part where cause of life and death are CONFIRMED by the person who generally DID NOT stab the guy in the face for buying 2-ply –NOT 3-ply- toilet paper.

I am sure you recognize the word – and more than LIKELY KNOW it’s meaning – but please SAY the word out loud with me…let the people around think (know) that you’re crazy talking out loud to no-one in the room – Just read the next sentence out loud with me.

The coroner performed the autopsy on Betty White.

[NOT factual! HA! Betty White lives on FOREVER!!]

ANYway – the autopsy was performed – even the imaginary one is – say it out loud – the AUTOPSY –

AWWWWWWWWWWWE – TOP – SEE.

NOT ODD-TOPSY.

STOP saying ODD-topsy. THAT IS NOT A WORD!

The coroner, performing the autopsy on jacK’s body, found that he succumb [səˈkəm] to stupid from humans in real life. And TV. And radio.

My apologies if I raised my voice there a little. My ODD-topsy dude hurt me a bit there with the knife.

ANYway – maybe a Christas theme – definitely not-so-much common sense – and definitely jacK – Now that we are allowed to say it again…Merry Christmas Ho-Ho-Ho and all that misFits! Be well – Stay well – and use your fvcking common sense all holiday long. Please?