your PERFECT life-plan [or just day-plan if you wish]

#askjaxasms, a post maybe?, facXs, Homeless, sar-kast-inks.

by jacK: staffwriter (jaxasms.ca)

IF you follow ALL of these steps.

by jacK – staffwriter

Get up in the morning tomorrow, get dressed appropriately – and go to the job you’d like to have. When you arrive, start working. DO NOT stop working until the police arrive to remove you from the building.

Be removed, without incident, and go to the police station.

After arriving at the station, use your opportunity to use the phone to contact ALL of the media in your town to attend a Press Conference at the station in an hour. Once done that –

START WORKING at the police station. It will take them about an hour to discover what you are up to, and about the time your new job at the police station is ending – newspaper, radio, and TV reporters will have arrived at the station for YOUR Press Conference.

In your press conference – Regale the adventures of your day. How you started the day unemployed, but began work at Company A – only to be found out that you didn’t ACTUALLY work there. The police picked you up there and brought you to the station so that you could start your new Media Liaison job for them.

Unemployed at 7am. A long career at company A in the morning, and then finish the day as Chief Media Liaison for the police,

What a day! A question though…

What are we going to do tonight Brain?

The SAME thing we do EVERY night Pinky… Try to take-over the world.

Phobias and 499 Other Things

facXs, Homeless

I know that you know all about phobias. If not read or saw a many little quirk – but – experienced aversions to certain things. Sorta on that note – the following is a list, if you don’t suffer from katastichophobia, the fear of lists, of some of the weirdest, insanest, and WTF-est phobias known to the human being and condition.

To start the terrifying list – Cacophobia. This is the fear of ugliness that would certainly happen here if my ugly mug was pictured everywhere! Another notable specifically related to jaxasms.ca is coulophobia – the fear of clowns.
I think it would be safe to say that if you suffer from either, or BOTH, of those you MAY just suffer from Panophobia. The fear of EVERYTHING!

Now a list – that looks more like a list, and less like a rant or raving of a joker. Allodoxaphobia. The fear of opinions.

One of my faves is Arachibutyrophobia. Not because it’s a BIG word, but because I opinionate it’s just plain nut-bar crazy! It’s the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth! I should note that ALL of these phobias can be debilitating.

Eremophobia – Fear of solitude
Nomophobia – which MILLIONS have these days, the fear of being without your smart phone.
Plutophobia is the fear of money
Xanthophobia is a fear of the color yellow
Ablutophobia is a fear of bathing
Optophobia is a fear of opening one’s eyes. This fear can be extremely debilitating. Could you EVEN imagine this fear?
Globophobia is a fear of balloons 🎈
Koumpounophobia is the fear of buttons…
Omphalophobia is a fear of BELLY buttons
Hopefully you don’t suffer from Geliophobia, the fear of laughter
Anatidaephobia is the fear of being watched by a duck. Huh – Wha?Chorophobia is for many uncoordinated white guys like me – the fear of dancing.
Geliophobia: fear of laughter.
Heliphobia: the fear of sunlight
Deipnophobia: the ODD fear of dinner conversations
Neophobia: fear of new stuff
Syngenesophobia: the fear of your relatives! I get this one.
Geniophobia: Fear of chins!

Ablutophobia: the fear of washing and bathing. Just ewww – But it’s a usual on a bus, subway, or crowded theatre lobby

*might* be one of mine – Venustraphobia the fear of beautiful women!
This one I think EVERYONE MUST, or at least SHOULD, have – Taphophobia, which is the fear of being buried alive.

Myrmecophobia is a fear of ants
Ephebiphobia is a fear of teenagers
Alektorophobia: the fear of chickens/roosters

Crazy Squared?

Urophobia is the fear of urinating
Ambulophobia: fear of walking
Pteronophobia is the morbidly fearful fear of being tickled by a feather. (Take a moment or two to THINK about that one!)
Selenophobia: the fear of the moon.
Gamophobia is a fear I WISH I’d had – a fear of marriage! Ha.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is, ironically or purposefully, the fear of LONG WORDS!
Necrophobia – Fear of death or dead things

Add one from the Crazy Squared Crazy ward of the hospital –

Linonophobia which is the fear of STRING. (Def NOT a cat-thing)

Closing up shop today with these…

Philophobia: the fear of love
Erotophobia is the fear of sex.
Philematophobia which is the fear of kissing

AND Phobophobia – The fear of – you guessed it! – phobias.

A Life Bored?

#askjaxasms, facXs, Homeless

So jack (me) is writing a book. I’ve started writing a couple different books on a couple different occasions in the past. ONE of those books was not much more than copy and paste of my previous blog/website. BUT not a single one of those books was ever finished, before I moved on to the next thing.

This latest endeavour is kind of about…No. It’s totally about that and this:

Early in my life I learned a VERY valuable lesson that SHOULD have successfully guided me to thousands of successes through life. In fact, what that lesson should have done – DID – the exact opposite. I was/am unsuccessful at everything. Or at best, not successful. From the (still in) first chapters drafts. This:

Of the very few LEARNEDS I learned – at least what should have been most valuable of them all was that I learned to OBSERVE.

Please forgive the sheer volume of times I say ‘learned’ in this post. Thanks!

ANYway. I observe nearly everything around me, all of the time. I call it my blessing and my curse. My blessing because I pay attention which should lead me to doing the ‘right things.’ I believe what I call my absolute truth that ‘everybody lies.’ which is basically the opposite of right – I see the lies (all of them) and when a person is not lying – I KNOW they will shortly.

Back to mine own shortcomings. I learned HOW to be somebody, I just never actually be’d somebody. I play one on camera, on social media, and one on the intraweb, just not in the real world.

On paper (so to speak) I learned quite a number of things! I learned how to be a husband, father, son, musician, writer, money maker, friend, and boyfriend. I said learned HOW – I just never DID.

The sum? I have a cranium FULL of learned subjects, people, places, things, feelings, books, sentences, hopes, dreams, disappointments, facks, fallacies, totally useless information – and much more.

Another sum? This one a bit more on-topic. My observations as both blessings and curses are to other people very much the same. Blessings in that I remember the important and simple things about them and a curse because I remember the important and simple things about them.

And the book. I know HOW to write a book. I know WHY I want to write a book. And I know exactly what said book will be about. BUT, like all of my learneds up there, I learned HOW, WHY, WHAT, WHO, and WHERE the book – I have not just yet been able to be.

Shack Wacky

facXs

A little long this one, but.

This isn’t what was expected, or meant, but…
I found it! Finally found the post. For Shack Wacky.

Choice, choice, choice. It’s what we thought we wanted – what we made for today – from peanut butter to SUV’s – we now have so many choices for everything – that it’s killing us.
Where is the insanity of our choice most dramatic – yet perfect? Where the choices are NOT a benefit?

Choices are killing LOVE. Choice is killing LOVE.
Much like shelf after shelf of peanut butter, or feature after feature in an SUV – we now have shelf after shelf – feature after feature – OF LOVE.
WRONG! You say? How bout this?…

You were out on a date last night for dinner. It went GREAT! You’re making plans today to go out again! But before the plans for another date are made BOTH OF YOU have killed ANY chances, with choice

How? You say? Well both of you, sometimes, or one of you, EVERY time – NOT EVEN AN HOUR AFTER THE DATE – are on a dating, hook-up, or porn site browsing choices.

Please don’t bother sending me a letter or email or DM on a dating site saying that it isn’t true. Because I asked PornHub – and they agreed – it is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT FACT!!

Does it make sense? Any of it? NO!
Is there a name for this? THERE IS NOW!

Shack Wacky!
and CHECK.

More ‘Housekeeping”

facXs, Homeless

NOT because of my weekend-fail am I am making a couple adjustments to my written posting and sarCast postings. It was just because dates and and schedule were a necessity. I will just leave that ‘double’ on the table here.

ALL scheduled posts will happen on THURSDAYS now. Both written and sarCast(s) will be on site on Thursdays. Set your clocks to it.