What’s THAT word again?

a post maybe?, Homeless

I know!

Wait. Nope i don’t.

Well if it COULD go wrong on the jaxasms.ca it HAS. You are here so at least part my house is working.
i will continue to work on the house – hopefully the wordpress.com will help to solve the other stuff.

AND on THAT note – look for stories real soon – if I am able to recover my data on the wordpress.com!

your PERFECT life-plan [or just day-plan if you wish]

#askjaxasms, a post maybe?, facXs, Homeless, sar-kast-inks.

by jacK: staffwriter (jaxasms.ca)

IF you follow ALL of these steps.

by jacK – staffwriter

Get up in the morning tomorrow, get dressed appropriately – and go to the job you’d like to have. When you arrive, start working. DO NOT stop working until the police arrive to remove you from the building.

Be removed, without incident, and go to the police station.

After arriving at the station, use your opportunity to use the phone to contact ALL of the media in your town to attend a Press Conference at the station in an hour. Once done that –

START WORKING at the police station. It will take them about an hour to discover what you are up to, and about the time your new job at the police station is ending – newspaper, radio, and TV reporters will have arrived at the station for YOUR Press Conference.

In your press conference – Regale the adventures of your day. How you started the day unemployed, but began work at Company A – only to be found out that you didn’t ACTUALLY work there. The police picked you up there and brought you to the station so that you could start your new Media Liaison job for them.

Unemployed at 7am. A long career at company A in the morning, and then finish the day as Chief Media Liaison for the police,

What a day! A question though…

What are we going to do tonight Brain?

The SAME thing we do EVERY night Pinky… Try to take-over the world.

why so effin angry bro?

Homeless, Narcissist-ing

Probably a question we humans SHOULD be asking ourselves in the morning mirror instead of ego-boosting self flatteries, or on the internet asking which fetish for breakfast on the PornHub this morning.

Humans NEED to calm the fvck down. It’s just like the majority of our earthly problems in 2021 (NO. Not covid) – it’s rooted in our extreme encouraged narcissism.

I ACTUALLY have to weed through the letters to me here at jaxasms.ca – to outright DELETE some of the hateful words, comments, insults, blah blah blah. HATE. HATE. HATE. I get SOME of the anger (at least mine) cause other humans suck, I suck, and you suck.

But really? We MUST just calm the fvck down kids!

I mean, honestly, we are angry about the MOST ridiculous things that DO NOT directly impact any of us. Who cares if your nosey neighbour walks his dog at 5am? Does it actually affect you in ANY way? No, no it doesn’t. A dog in the cul-de-sac barking non-stop? The answer is in the statement – NON-STOP. That ‘non’ word dear human MEANS NO! In this case NO STOPPING! So it’s annoying, yes, it’s not necessary, yes – but it is def NOT worth popping-your-top over? Right?

Notsomuch COMMON SENSE abound. In the dog, the dog owner, the neighbours, and YOU.

EVERY human (including me, including you) NEED to just calm the fvck down. Stop being so angry! Bro?

Phobias and 499 Other Things

facXs, Homeless

I know that you know all about phobias. If not read or saw a many little quirk – but – experienced aversions to certain things. Sorta on that note – the following is a list, if you don’t suffer from katastichophobia, the fear of lists, of some of the weirdest, insanest, and WTF-est phobias known to the human being and condition.

To start the terrifying list – Cacophobia. This is the fear of ugliness that would certainly happen here if my ugly mug was pictured everywhere! Another notable specifically related to jaxasms.ca is coulophobia – the fear of clowns.
I think it would be safe to say that if you suffer from either, or BOTH, of those you MAY just suffer from Panophobia. The fear of EVERYTHING!

Now a list – that looks more like a list, and less like a rant or raving of a joker. Allodoxaphobia. The fear of opinions.

One of my faves is Arachibutyrophobia. Not because it’s a BIG word, but because I opinionate it’s just plain nut-bar crazy! It’s the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth! I should note that ALL of these phobias can be debilitating.

Eremophobia – Fear of solitude
Nomophobia – which MILLIONS have these days, the fear of being without your smart phone.
Plutophobia is the fear of money
Xanthophobia is a fear of the color yellow
Ablutophobia is a fear of bathing
Optophobia is a fear of opening one’s eyes. This fear can be extremely debilitating. Could you EVEN imagine this fear?
Globophobia is a fear of balloons 🎈
Koumpounophobia is the fear of buttons…
Omphalophobia is a fear of BELLY buttons
Hopefully you don’t suffer from Geliophobia, the fear of laughter
Anatidaephobia is the fear of being watched by a duck. Huh – Wha?Chorophobia is for many uncoordinated white guys like me – the fear of dancing.
Geliophobia: fear of laughter.
Heliphobia: the fear of sunlight
Deipnophobia: the ODD fear of dinner conversations
Neophobia: fear of new stuff
Syngenesophobia: the fear of your relatives! I get this one.
Geniophobia: Fear of chins!

Ablutophobia: the fear of washing and bathing. Just ewww – But it’s a usual on a bus, subway, or crowded theatre lobby

*might* be one of mine – Venustraphobia the fear of beautiful women!
This one I think EVERYONE MUST, or at least SHOULD, have – Taphophobia, which is the fear of being buried alive.

Myrmecophobia is a fear of ants
Ephebiphobia is a fear of teenagers
Alektorophobia: the fear of chickens/roosters

Crazy Squared?

Urophobia is the fear of urinating
Ambulophobia: fear of walking
Pteronophobia is the morbidly fearful fear of being tickled by a feather. (Take a moment or two to THINK about that one!)
Selenophobia: the fear of the moon.
Gamophobia is a fear I WISH I’d had – a fear of marriage! Ha.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is, ironically or purposefully, the fear of LONG WORDS!
Necrophobia – Fear of death or dead things

Add one from the Crazy Squared Crazy ward of the hospital –

Linonophobia which is the fear of STRING. (Def NOT a cat-thing)

Closing up shop today with these…

Philophobia: the fear of love
Erotophobia is the fear of sex.
Philematophobia which is the fear of kissing

AND Phobophobia – The fear of – you guessed it! – phobias.

YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T PUT THAT IN YOUR…

Homeless

Butt.

From the files of Stupid Is EXACTLY what Stupid Does! Note: ALL of these incidents – ADULTS over 18 years of age. What did these ADULTS do exactly? I’m happy you asked! ALL of the following items were inserted into their ass – AND – ended up in the emergency room as a result. I couldn’t even make some of these items up! Humans are stupider than sticks and stones.

1. 2. First two items on the list, are in fact, sticks and stones

3. Candy, both hard and soft

4. Gum. Chewed and un chewed

5. Nail Polish bottle

6. Nail Polish Remover bottle

7. Beer bottle. Full AND empty

8. Peanut Butter

9. Flash Light

10. House key

11. Car key

12. Key fob

13. Hot Wheels cars

14. Cel Phone

15. A gun

16. A pint glass

17. Sea Shell(s)

18. Sand

19. A condom containing almost ALL of the items on this list.

20. Restaurant Creamer

21. Jams/Jellies of the restaurant individual packet kind

22. A dildo. NO surprise on that item – BUT – also lodged in the dude’s ass WITH the dildo? The BBQ tongs he used to try and remove said item

23. Woody, Buzz, AND Mr. Potato Head’s ear. At the SAME TIME!

24. A Zippo cigarette lighter

25. And from the stationary/porn? store – Office Depot etc. A pencil, pen, erasers, pencil sharpener

26. USB Drive

27. Sh!t emoji USB Drive

28. Seriously? A mayonnaise JAR

29. You know what – I will just stop numbering individually right here at a usual suspect Cucumber. The rest of the produce department items are ALL at 30.

30. Carrot, YES, an eggplant, Banana of course, BUT a turnip? Yep that too. A DOZEN grapes – don’t know if they were green, red, seedless, or domestic – a Japanese orange (the Christmas kind), a sunkist orange, (the BIG ONE) ***As a side note – the hospital record noted that the peel ripped and, also according to the report, “It stung like hell. The patient was in agony the entire time the removal took place”

AND finally – no more of all that *normal* stuff – I will finish with, what hospital nurses and doctors called ODD items:

Remote Control, Handle of a hammer, spoons, forks, knives (butter AND steak knives), a baby bottle!, a Vape (large), and finally – recently – AirPods. Kinda see those finding their way into an ass – but there’s always a BUT in the butt – The AirPods were in their charging case.