Butt.

From the files of Stupid Is EXACTLY what Stupid Does! Note: ALL of these incidents – ADULTS over 18 years of age. What did these ADULTS do exactly? I’m happy you asked! ALL of the following items were inserted into their ass – AND – ended up in the emergency room as a result. I couldn’t even make some of these items up! Humans are stupider than sticks and stones.

1. 2. First two items on the list, are in fact, sticks and stones

3. Candy, both hard and soft

4. Gum. Chewed and un chewed

5. Nail Polish bottle

6. Nail Polish Remover bottle

7. Beer bottle. Full AND empty

8. Peanut Butter

9. Flash Light

10. House key

11. Car key

12. Key fob

13. Hot Wheels cars

14. Cel Phone

15. A gun

16. A pint glass

17. Sea Shell(s)

18. Sand

19. A condom containing almost ALL of the items on this list.

20. Restaurant Creamer

21. Jams/Jellies of the restaurant individual packet kind

22. A dildo. NO surprise on that item – BUT – also lodged in the dude’s ass WITH the dildo? The BBQ tongs he used to try and remove said item

23. Woody, Buzz, AND Mr. Potato Head’s ear. At the SAME TIME!

24. A Zippo cigarette lighter

25. And from the stationary/porn? store – Office Depot etc. A pencil, pen, erasers, pencil sharpener

26. USB Drive

27. Sh!t emoji USB Drive

28. Seriously? A mayonnaise JAR

29. You know what – I will just stop numbering individually right here at a usual suspect Cucumber. The rest of the produce department items are ALL at 30.

30. Carrot, YES, an eggplant, Banana of course, BUT a turnip? Yep that too. A DOZEN grapes – don’t know if they were green, red, seedless, or domestic – a Japanese orange (the Christmas kind), a sunkist orange, (the BIG ONE) ***As a side note – the hospital record noted that the peel ripped and, also according to the report, “It stung like hell. The patient was in agony the entire time the removal took place”

AND finally – no more of all that *normal* stuff – I will finish with, what hospital nurses and doctors called ODD items:

Remote Control, Handle of a hammer, spoons, forks, knives (butter AND steak knives), a baby bottle!, a Vape (large), and finally – recently – AirPods. Kinda see those finding their way into an ass – but there’s always a BUT in the butt – The AirPods were in their charging case.

The lies adults tell kids.

A new feature on the jaxasms.com. A feature that I need YOUR help with! If you have kids – what lies have you told them? Obviously you WERE a kid, and what lies were you told? What have heard or read – I need you to tell me! Drop em here on the site – drop em in my email inbox – jaxasms@icloud.com and if you can think of another way to send em – I want to hear that too!!

And so – What is this all about? Simply – An ongoing list of the lies and crazy sh!t you were told as a kid, or that you’ve told your kids, or even that your friends and colleagues have told their kids! Without any further ado…

I won’t go into detail on debunking these lies – but I will comment on most of them because….well notsomuch common sense – and it just got under that skin a little!

*Reading in the dark will harm your eyes*
Ummm what!? Harm your eyes? I think if you CAN read in the dark you have some superhuman eyesight, NOT harmed!

*Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis*
I think if this were the case – EVERYONE would have arthritis – and they do not.

*If you swallow your gum…It takes 7 years to digest it*
What IS digested is done so in the usual amount of time. What CAN’T be digested by your body ISN’T.

*If you keep your eyes open when you sneeze – your eyeballs will pop out!*
OK. Just do it. Did your eyeballs go anywhere? Next…

*If you continue to cross your eyes like that they’ll stay that way*
*If you eat watermelon seeds, watermelons will grow in your belly.*

*The whole santa clause lie, and parts of that lie.*
*He knows if you are sleeping*
*He knows if you’ve been naughty or nice*
*He knows what sh!t you want for Christmas*
*AND he knows where you live*
*Santa is at the mall and we can go PAY him so that you can make the Christmas requests that HE ALREADY KNOWS*
*Santa repels down your chimney to deliver the goods*
*Santa FITS in a chimney*
*Santa flies in a snow sleigh pulled by flying reindeer*
*In a mere few hours Santa flies all over the world and gets gifts to every greedy little monster*

*there many many more lies with the santa clause as the starting point!*

This is called PILING ON. a perfect example of WHY adults lie to kids. Because they (kids) cannot possibly be expected to KNOW this as either fact or fiction. And (I would hope) you wouldn’t catch an adult saying any such thing…Even as a joke…out loud.

This LOOOOONG post is only the first PART of the We Don’t Lick People series! What are YOUR licky lies!? Send em to me and I will send em back in part of the series!

Stay frosty! and take care of each other!