Posted in sar-kast-inks.

💩 says 🌐’s derogatory inferences have irreparably damaged it’s clean reputation


by jacK (staffwriter) jaXasms.ca

satirical sh!z

In a Notice of Claim filed by Pile of Poo (💩), also known as poomoji, poop emoji, or poo emoji, in Supreme Court alleges that 🌐 (the Internet) willfully attacked 💩’s solid and clean reputation, in addition to that of 💩‘s family and close friends. 💩 says, as a direct result, employment opportunities have vanished, friends have stopped speaking for fear of their good names being called into question, and the shame that has befallen 💩’s family will be be a multi-generational flaming pile of post-it notes and smudge.

💩is also seeking to have it’s copyrighted image, a coiled pile of feces, usually with cartoon eyes and a large smile, removed from the web in future reference and all history searches. The emoji can be used to convey disappointment or disapproval, but also maintains its literal meaning of sh!t.

🌐 the internet has yet to file a statement of defence in the matter and was unavailable for comment prior to the publishing of this story. 🌐 has 30 days to file it’s reply – and when it does – will likely set itself on fire. Which is just a bit ironic as it is usually NOT the internet that is generally associated with flaming.

poo v. internet
Posted in #askjaxasms, sar-kast-inks.

So this thing kinda happened…


It’s the Sunday, Holy day? As usual I fell out of bed at 4am and my intentions said it was a day of writing – the book and stories HERE.

©️jacK @4am rolling out of the coffin

It’s 5 now. 5PM specifically. Day GONE! Lots of *new music on the playlists listening – and that damned rabbit-hole – NOT the sarCast – but that internet thing. And for YOU this evening then…A recap of my wasted day! Fun right? HELLS TO THE YEA! Ya.
A bit of a longer post BC fotos? Ha. Optional I hear. Anyway… All aboard the trainwreck…

First stop THIS:

©️obviously the english is optional

There are a few stops in that – whatsitagain? Yea covid I think it was. Well is – I don’t talk about it here SAVE TODAY as I found gems like all these. How this will work – just a Sunday night wander with jacK’s brain!

©️ like i said – a few like this

Human’s have appeared to have forgotten what it is to human.

©️ in case you were wondering – everyone was wearing a mask.
©️ moving right along. Yelp is IN public toilets now
©️ a long sign… but worth the read!
©️ and then i laughed and laughed and i laughed
Posted in sar-kast-inks., saTires

Changes to Only Fans and PornHub Over and Under Blown [Pun Intended]


by: jacK (staffwriter) jaxasms.ca
<satires>

Many [mostly men] people who were worried by recent leaking stories about the removal of porn from mostly porn sites Only Fans, PornHub, and Netflix can pant a little easier this weekend after jaxasms.ca speaks with insiders familiar with pornography, videos, and skate-boarding who say ‘HOLD TIGHT’ as the report appears to be prematurely jaxulated.

Reports in the last week or so had the PornHub, OnlyFans, and NetFlix providers banning porn from their paid services. Blowback was nearly immediate and surprisingly sustained for the week as many [mostly men] have been claiming a violation of varying ‘rights’ and ‘needs.’ Spokespeople for The Internet expressed confusion and that the decisions came as ‘shock and awe’ surprise. And that they were not notified, and the required month’s notice was not given. A spokeshuman for The Internet (wanting to remain anonymous) told me that the trio, if reports were true, would not be getting their damage deposit back, and likely be charged for clean-up of their ‘messes’ and damages made to the world-wide-web.

Speaking exclusively to jaxasms.ca – insiders Dallas Montague and Debbie Rohing agreed that Internet housing agreements would be violated if the rumours turned into fact, resulting in the revoking of damage deposits and the multi-billion dollar clean up charges for the billions of ‘messes’ left all around the web. “Everyone on the Internet and elsewhere is fully aware of the value in porn,” stated Rohing, “But there is always a trade-off when it comes to sex services. I mean the clean-up of all that paper pornography when we here at the Internet set up shop was MASSIVE. The poor environment saw a surge in paper and paper-like solid waste before people (mostly men) made the full-on switch to tube socks.”

“We must be economically real here as the winds of change, like the Scorpions rock and roll radio hit Winds of Change almost predicted,” Montague emphatically stated. She went on to say that maybe it was time to start thinking about government bail-outs for the Internet.” Montague brushed tears from her cheek with a lace braced tissue, and loudly concluded with “The fucking internet is our life! This isn’t a Lego or Arnie movie that will be back!”

Both Montague and Rohing ended this important discussion at that point. Both leaving behind what the industry calls Après-Stills. Their doctored photos (stills) were, what Rohing called, business cards. Stay tuned to jaxasms.ca for any updates and the clean-up status reports.

For your listening parts. The Scorpions Winds of Change as mentioned above courtesy of the YouTube and of course, The Scorpions.

https://youtu.be/n4RjJKxsamQ