Category: the salon episodes

more interesting than. >sex

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“An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex”. — Aldous Huxley

It’s like Huxley was trying to tell me…errr. Something?

Now that Aldous has captured your attention for me…I have the RESULTS of a kinda boring poll we took, and perhaps MORE telling, a poll YOU participated in! Boo-Ya!

The poll, in true Charlie Brown fashion, (like my name drop there?) but anyway – Charlie Brown notsomuch fashion – but fashionable folly?

The sports themed question (Like I said already, not REALLY a sports question) – The sports RELATED? question was THIS: You: LUCY – Your partner/friend/husband etc. is Charlie Brown.

ANYway – Metaphorically (yea right!) you are Lucy and your OTHER is Charlie Brown. Would you/How often would you pull the football away, forcing your Charlie Brown to ass-fall and look stupid in an attempt to kick the football ?

80 replies total for this one…ACTUALLY 79 to be honest…#80 was MY reply.

45 said they WOULD pull the ball away
31 said they’d pull the ball away (if able) weekly
and ONE person (*might* have been me) said he’s fallen for the ball-thing every single time.

Thus, in my professional opinion, the top shelf translation is this:

MOST of you who answered the question…admitted to being an asshole (both grrrrl AND boy versions of) – and would pull the ball away. Perhaps more enlightening – 1/3 of you said the practice would happen, at least, weekly!??
And one person said he gets the ball pulled away every time he goes to kick ANY ball. Selfish I know – I CAN’T reveal who said that but it Does. Not. Change the fact that MOST of you are VERY notsomuch nice to your others.

You probably. Should address that.

Thanks for playing! That was kinda fun! (I MIGHT have been a bit bored in quarantine.) ANYway, Next…

No PG Scavenger Hunt

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Over the course of this pandemic, one little thing I noticed was the extents to which online teachers have gone to keep kids interested in online learning. This got my sometimes childish brain thinking about one of the activities they partooken in. A (various topics) scavenger hunt event was VERY popular with the children, and also popular with educators looking for *new* ways to teach the very often ADHD kids science or math.

The last feature I saw was a scavenger hunt for coloured, and various shaped objects in the children’s’ bedrooms. So I thought, OF COURSE, of an adult version of such a project.

So – HERE IT IS! I don’t care WHAT you find in your homes, but I want to hear about what you DID FIND! Whether or not you have roommates or family in your place I want you to scavenge! Not colours or shapes the ONLY criteria I present to you is that it MUST be an item that you keep/store in a hidden like place. A drawer, cupboard, toilet tank, bedside table – a spot that if you had guests in your home – would be hidden from sight.

Whatever is in those places – Tell me what it/they is/are. For fun! TAKE A PICTURE and send it to me! If you wish to remain anonymous – say so in your letter. I’ll only use FIRST names and NO PICS of YOU!

Dial it up! I want to know the TRUTH! Let’s KEEP it on an adult level as not many children frequent a website about SARCASM and DOUBLE/TRIPLE ENTENDRES. Just NOT their thing. I’ll post your photos unless there is something ILLEGAL in them, and I WILL NOT report ANY stories to authority-like figures.

Let’s have some FUN! Send all your details to jaxasms@icloud.com and then watch here for ALL the entertainment I am sure we’ll muster!

HOPEFULLY be forewarned!

Sciuridae, Sewer Words, jaxasms.ca

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he says the F word

This site, and the space I rent here on the intranet are NOT – I will repeat that for emphasis* – are NOT FREE.
*emphasis means to emphasize.

What this means is that I PAY to write here and that guy with the donkey he fvcks in livestream, and then blogs to tell you about that act is also PAYING to provide that community service.

Yes, paying cash money, مَالٌ, Novak, penge, geld, dinero, raha, argent, pinger, bani, para, derar, dirva, dom, kudi, lacaq, salapi, owo, fedha, arian, navada, ban, diners, flus, and penize IS a thing! SOME actually write stuff, and pay, to piss you off. It kinda helps that you are looking to get pissed off!

SO – just so that we are clear on what we’re doing here – I make it, write it, publish it, and just as a value-added statement, I randomly piss you off too.

So a friend, buddy, colleague – whatever – said to me the other day, probably like some of YOUR friends etc. have said to you. Sans the jack part of course. Well unless your name is jack – then I guess it might be identical. ANYway, he said “jack. the internet was MADE just for people like you.” I responded with, “Dude. Your grammar and word choice? Really? YOU MEANT made BY people like me?” Then I laughed, and I laughed, and I laughed!!

Oh hey! Did you know, that when I hand write an exclamation mark on paper (duh) I do the dot first and then the up and down line. Umm yea.

So this is all a perfect example of my ADHD, ADD, Squirrel!

Once again, once again, once again, focus squirrel! Gotta get back on, and stay on, the course. Course – the path you THINK that is laid out for you in life. Which reminds me as a newly crazy person…I am writing a book! You’ll be able to get it right here if you wish. Likely not for a few years though – cause…this.

Distraction says: brain. And dear reader –

A brain, a book, a course, a squirrel, piss me off culture, a parental warning, cursing, money, مَالٌ, Novak, penge, geld, dinero, cost of a website, blog, access to said websites, and an effin donkey!

Seriously kids – where ELSE are you going to find all this AND dumb-ass ME? ALL THAT and for you it’s FREE – it ONLY costs me.

Finally – before I head down another rabbit hole – I will just say this: Fuck.
But why!?

Because I can.

IT’S JUNE 21!

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So why exactly am I celebrating June 21, 2021?

In a very short post…I am not.

I heard you say it – Actually I didn’t hear you say anything. Not only because it’s almost impossible – but because there is simply NOT enough voice for such thing.

BUT…there are a number of celebrates today aside from your birthday, and other obvious celebrations. So what DAY is it today? Good thing I asked me…save!

June 21:

International Day of Yoga! Namaste effers!
Other Internationally recognized ‘things’ of today:

It’s skateboarding day, and in that theme – it’s International Surfing Day.

With the World in the title –

It’s World Giraffe – Humanist – and Music Day.

Celebrate safely and celebrate wisely kids.

Plug your eyes and D!tch the Sh!t

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Do you – like me – ever listen, or read, or think, and then yell at nearly the top of your lungs – WHAT THE FFFFFugly FFFFug! If so, you’re likely to recognize some of the words, sentences, thoughts, and utterings below. Hopefully I don’t trigger you – but it WOULD be funnerer if I did right!?

So that you might find it easier to read todays story – Here is how it will be roughly laid out. First will be the title/category in which that group of D!tch and Sh!ts are housed. Then the word or phrase in need of the D!tch, followed by my comedic relief or badly placed in the stitch of time that we occupy’s, my reaction, the notsomuch common sense. The concern or fright and any other Sh!t that may apply! And now this:

Part One – ‘Do you even HEAR yourself speak?’

Can I Interrupt? You just effin did! Wouldn’t a statement work MUCH better? Maybe like Hey! I’m interrupting!

TBH – To Be Honest No matter what follows this statement it’s usually a lie. Check it.

It is what it is. Huh. This statement is just annoying. That’s what IT IS.

Part Two – ‘The extra words are for what now?’

We can DEFINITELY do that – But really. CAN you do it?

I’m LITERALLY puking – It literally makes no sense at all for the word literally to literally appear, in this sentence. Kids – take it from me – it is literally the best decision to make based on seismic data collected from the planet Mars. Apparently leaving the word literally OUT of a sentence, literally makes no literal difference in the meaning, or the literal impact, of the sentence. Literally – go back through this paragraph on literally puking, and literally remove the word ‘literally’ from it. The message of the paragraph remains unchanged – your tongue stays untangled – and your mind registers the win as a win-win win. You can literally remove all but 1 of the wins too. Sports is literally the worst metaphor for life.

How about ‘I PERSONALLY feel.’ I think the ‘I’ is personal and, much like literally, you can literally remove the extra word, personally, and literally NOTHING changes. And it sounds stupid too.

I will STOP 🛑 right here – let the brain take a rest. I WILL however come back to this story/topic and likely, or literally, continue to find this sh!t.

I, personally, can definitely say so long, with literally dozens of words sooooooooooo busy-bodied that I definitely, am personally literally puking them out for the sake of lunacy, literal lunacy, not the supposed commercial king that feeds on the donkey’s teet in order to totally transcend — stuff.