Autopsy. The Christmas themed, Common-Sense crossword clue for 4-Down

YOU said it

by jacK – staffwriter (jaXasms.ca)

A Coroner’s job

As you know – I have a couple – what are those called? Annoyances? Irritants? Barbs? Maybe not that last one, but I think you get what I am gettin’ at.

I done right reel goods. SO spelling and grammar make me tense. (Yea that’s how to say that.) But which part of that which he spoke? All. Or none. Of the above’ll work. People lie. Everybody lies. So there’s that too.

ANYway. Back to the friendly neighbourhood coroner. Listening to TV news and radio news – AND i can even HEAR AND SEE it done in newspapers – even though spell-check corrects them.
Part of a coroner’s job is to perform (I have NO IDEA WHY ‘perform’ is the grammatically correct term there) – is to perform the autopsy on bodies in the morgue. Yes – autopsy is ALSO the correct word. That’s the part where cause of life and death are CONFIRMED by the person who generally DID NOT stab the guy in the face for buying 2-ply –NOT 3-ply- toilet paper.

I am sure you recognize the word – and more than LIKELY KNOW it’s meaning – but please SAY the word out loud with me…let the people around think (know) that you’re crazy talking out loud to no-one in the room – Just read the next sentence out loud with me.

The coroner performed the autopsy on Betty White.

[NOT factual! HA! Betty White lives on FOREVER!!]

ANYway – the autopsy was performed – even the imaginary one is – say it out loud – the AUTOPSY

AWWWWWWWWWWWE – TOP – SEE.

NOT ODD-TOPSY.

STOP saying ODD-topsy. THAT IS NOT A WORD!

The coroner, performing the autopsy on jacK’s body, found that he succumb [səˈkəm] to stupid from humans in real life. And TV. And radio.

My apologies if I raised my voice there a little. My ODD-topsy dude hurt me a bit there with the knife.

ANYway – maybe a Christas theme – definitely not-so-much common sense – and definitely jacK – Now that we are allowed to say it again…Merry Christmas Ho-Ho-Ho and all that misFits! Be well – Stay well – and use your fvcking common sense all holiday long. Please?

Even MORE absurd ‘almost-cliches’ to throw in a dumpster.

useless, words *absurd*, YOU said it

Part one of a multiple part series looking at cliches and nearly-cliches that drive me nuts! I will TRY NOT to editorialize a tonne throughout – *Note: I said TRY!

“To Be Honest”

How it’s generally said and generally heard: “To be honest, I’d rather drink a bottle of bleach than let you bleach my butt.”

What almost always follows the ‘To Be Honest’ opener is either a straight-up lie OR an exaggeration the person saying it feels is worthy of the ‘appeared’ grandiose statement. A great response…

So everything else you’ve ever said was dishonest then?

…you

“Basically”

Example of said and heard: “Basically, quantum theory is about small stuff we can’t see.”

This beauty is used by someone who thinks they are SO INTELLIGENT that they have to stupid-it down for everyone else.. Some people like to think ALL the information they bequeath is so epic that the stupid-it needs to be highlighted.

“I’m Not Even Joking”

Example of it’s use: “I once rode a dinosaur in a shopping mall, I’m not even joking.”

I’m not even joking.
SERIOUSLY though – if dinosaurs did NOT go extinct…you can bet I’d take one out for a spin or two! Jurassic-style.

“With All Due Respect”

My own example of use: ‘With all due respect – I am going to disrespect you now. Spoodge.’

It’s really a lame, weasel-like statement that tries to FURTHER insult the intelligence of the ‘hearer.’ It’s a middle finger used by petulant – arrogant humans.

“Giving It 110%”

Example of the statement in actual use: “It was hard work, but I gave it all of my 110%.”

I suck at mathematics. But even I know that 110% isn’t an actual number. To the speaker of this statement we’ll pretend a guy named Garth — I respond as such…

‘With all due respect Garth, to be perfectly honest, you are basically an idiot – I’m not even joking. Spoodge.

***Porn

YOU said it

Now that your attention is focussed here… A WORD I am thinking of BEGINS with the letter ‘P’ and it ENDS with these three letters ‘O’ ‘R’ and ‘N.’

What’s the word I’m thinking of?

You know how to get your answers to me. To make it fair? Here are some terms and conditions:

**Only 1 guess per email, per comment, per tweet, per phone call, per dm, per however else you get a hold of me. It is Thursday (don’t know the date) But get your guesses in by Sunday at midnight pacific – (no advantage if your ‘happen to click’ is first) The wrong answers will be tossed in the trash (duh?) and all of the right answers will be tossed in an internet hat – from which we will draw ONE (1) winner.

The winner gets…? Well the winner gets the life membership to the jaxasms.ca community! Newsletters, books, TED Talks and MORE!!

And in OTHER useless news…

This happens to me fairly often – not sure WHY – but humans I see/meet say to me: “you look familiar?”

My response – ESPECIALLY if there are other humans around is simple.

I say:

“Yea, I get that sometimes. I do porn.”

more interesting than. >sex

the salon episodes, YOU said it

“An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex”. — Aldous Huxley

It’s like Huxley was trying to tell me…errr. Something?

Now that Aldous has captured your attention for me…I have the RESULTS of a kinda boring poll we took, and perhaps MORE telling, a poll YOU participated in! Boo-Ya!

The poll, in true Charlie Brown fashion, (like my name drop there?) but anyway – Charlie Brown notsomuch fashion – but fashionable folly?

The sports themed question (Like I said already, not REALLY a sports question) – The sports RELATED? question was THIS: You: LUCY – Your partner/friend/husband etc. is Charlie Brown.

ANYway – Metaphorically (yea right!) you are Lucy and your OTHER is Charlie Brown. Would you/How often would you pull the football away, forcing your Charlie Brown to ass-fall and look stupid in an attempt to kick the football ?

80 replies total for this one…ACTUALLY 79 to be honest…#80 was MY reply.

45 said they WOULD pull the ball away
31 said they’d pull the ball away (if able) weekly
and ONE person (*might* have been me) said he’s fallen for the ball-thing every single time.

Thus, in my professional opinion, the top shelf translation is this:

MOST of you who answered the question…admitted to being an asshole (both grrrrl AND boy versions of) – and would pull the ball away. Perhaps more enlightening – 1/3 of you said the practice would happen, at least, weekly!??
And one person said he gets the ball pulled away every time he goes to kick ANY ball. Selfish I know – I CAN’T reveal who said that but it Does. Not. Change the fact that MOST of you are VERY notsomuch nice to your others.

You probably. Should address that.

Thanks for playing! That was kinda fun! (I MIGHT have been a bit bored in quarantine.) ANYway, Next…