Lies


 Men have em. Women have em too. Things we SAY we don’t do – but do. Humans just ‘do this.’ It’s the stuff. Not saying that EVERYONE does this, but everyone DOES. In one way or another. It has become so generally accepted, that we won’t talk about them, and for the most part, even THINK about them. Or WANT to — now everybody cover your ears, your eyes, or your brains cause I’m going to TALK ABOUT IT!!

Some gender specific — but most universal.

FART: From preschool to seniorschool we talk about it a lot. Games, practical jokes, and and stinky jokes. But none of us ACTUALLY do it. Fack – ALL humans, male AND female (and that middle ground sex) fart at least 10 to 20 times a day. NOT because we should be embarrassed, but because we are human and it’s just how we work. But your secret is REALLY safe with me.

No more arguments or arguing.

CYBER STALK: You know, when we do the deep dive (insert sexual joke here) by inserting their name into social media and of course Google.

FLIRT: From MEANINGFUL sex to INCONSEQUENTIAL speeding ticket evasion…every one of us do this too.

BITE NAILS, PICK NOSES, PLUCK HAIRS, AND MUCH MORE: I’m a guy…so grrrls — I have a butt crack and facial hair TOO. (Like you I mean)

SMELL YOUR CLOTHING, HAVE A SNACK DRAWER, A DRAWER FOR SEX TOYS, LOOK IN EVERY MIRROR OR REFLECTION SURFACE, LOOK FOR TRICKS TO HIDE THE FACT WE DIDN’T SHOWER OR WASH OUR HAIR THAT DAY — And more…Rapid-Fire like…

There’s the ‘look at our poop in the toilet before we flush’ thing; actually LIKE, LOVE, NEED that ‘drama’ we claim we NEVER want; and — we pee in the shower. 

NOW just the guys cause i know a little bit about guys (NOTHING about grrrls really) cause I play a guy on the internet, and IRL.

Wash your face, except shaving; constantly touch our junk; erm, get that ‘for no reason stiffy’ ; yes, cry; ManSplain everything; and last but not least….

We sit down to pee.

Talk amongst yourselves and TELL ME about your thoughts and conversations. Please.

Next…

multiple jaxasms


Somewhere, probably my old (first) blog where i was an unqualified, slightly meandering, right on point, very successful — relationship coach. Or relationship advice columnist. Was in a few newspapers in the U.S. and Canada, and on that (this) internet thing where I wrapped up (actually self-destructed or one of my asms) train wrecked it.

Then…Sarcasm (of the ‘biting’ or ‘mean’ variety) was, almost like this, my staple. So i missed writing, missed getting and answering letters, and missed the train wrecks that always ensued — so jaxasms were born.

Called Rapid Fire then it answered questions rapidly with nearly nasty short quips. Example: “Dear ———-, ive caught my boyfriend cheating on me 4 times. How do i make him stop? Amy. Vancouver BC.” MyAnswer — “Amy. You DON’T (can’t) make him stop. YOU are part of the reason he does it to you. You’ve trained the dog to shit on your bed in the middle of the night, so this what he does, and WILL DO until he can’t get it up.” Next…   (question)

So 8 or so of those made up a posting, and the posts were a hit. I did entire podcasts and vlogs devoted to them. Here, shorter questions, very short answers, and about 5-8 of them. So ask me anything whenever, whatever – just ASK!

There will be more features coming and i will do this same thing: introduce them, and wait for your questions, statements, or comments. You can Dear Jax or hey jax! them if you like, or not – whatever.

Sharks


When you were a kid, your greatest fears likely included sharks or quicksand – and now as an adult, those fears have become, or INCLUDE, credit card statements or running into your ex with his/her new girlfriend/boyfriend. And not playin it cool.

Today, 2020, your irrational fear of getting caught wearing your slippers in public or wearing only your underwear in a work Zoom call have supplanted what now seem as natural fears because life is a fucking shit show. 


I miss being afraid of sharks

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