Just in case you find this SUV crashed in a ditch, on fire, or WORSE YET, in the freeway fast lane…There’s a Baby on Board

Can ANYONE out there on the planet earth, explain the picture above to me? I don’t get it. I GET the quite literal meaning, what I guess I DON’T get is ‘WHY?’ If you have one of these in your vehicle please write me and tell me why. Because this story is definitely attacking YOU.

I have kids. However even in that context, I’m not following the logic. What follows is my notsomuch common common sense possible understanding of the sign.

1. There IS a baby in your SUV. If that is the case – My question is SO? Why are you telling me this? I’m working on keeping this piece of flying metal, at 100 km’s, on the road – out of the ditch, AND not die in doing so. SERIOUSLY, why do I need to know what you’re carrying in your SUV?

Should there then be a sign(s) beside this one saying 30-something adult, 30-something another adult, Golden Lab Retriever with hind leg issues,3 Venti Mocha Frappuccino’s without whipped cream in the cup holders up front,3 empty, not yet made it to recycling Venti Mocha Frappuccino plastic cups in rear cup holders, One city, and one country road map in the glove box – though we use Google Maps as we’re driving at 100+km’s with a baby on board, work bag with steel toed boots, man purse (Murse) with wallet, house keys, and parking pass within, gym bag with dirty gym clothes contained therein – along with gym membership paperwork which has yet to be used (But looks good on my keychain and rear view mirror) since its purchase this time last year, $3.35 (one toonie, one loonie, one quarter, and one dime) in the auto ashtray, which by the way – WHO are the ashtrays in cars for anyway? Much less airplanes and long commute busses too? One bag of used, overthought, thoughts – One car-jack and tools – BCAA membership card to fix flat tires – and a ‘tire-gauge?’ About a 1/2 kg of sand tracked inside from beach trips to the cabin at the lake about two hours outside of the city, because I am pretentious and had some cash left on the back end of my overstretched line of credit that was burning a hole in my fanny pack, a FIRE extinguisher that my grandpa Joe gave me back in the 30’s (well not me per se – to my father for his tri-colour Pontiac station wagon, like the one Clark Griswold and his family were driving in that movie Christmas Vacation – when he drives under that moving semi-trailer truck on the highway! And his cousin Eddie, played by that guy Randy Quaid! Older brother of Dennis Quaid who was in a bunch of cool movies a while ago – and of course the Seinfeld woman that lived next door – not Kramer next door to Jerry – but next door to the end nd in that scene where cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid. Brother of Dennis Quaid in – wait, I think I said that already) anyway cousin Eddie is emptying the sewage from his RV Home into the storm sewer on the Seinfeld lady’s property in his bath robe! OHH funny stuff.


by jacK: staffwriter (jaxasms.ca)

Oh yea – couple things between now and then.

Thing 1 👇

Thing 2 👇👇

Uber-Useless Facks


Knowing nothing is
knowing very little.

Most pandas in the world are on LOAN from China

The Super Soaker was designed and invented by a NASA engineer (That’s that American rocket science biz – run by 4th graders in Mrs. Lewis’ work experience (creating) class. Apparently)

Flamingos can only eat with their heads upside down

Barbie and Ken broke up in 2004. (But don’t worry kids!! They got back together in 2011.)

One single teaspoon of honey represents the LIFE work of 12 bees

It’s impossible to tickle yourself

Also impossible…licking your own elbow (tried it. I don’t buy this fact. And then I got distracted)

Finland has the most metal bands (that’s metal MUSIC) per capita

According to research, fans of classical music and those who love heavy metal have shown to have similar personalities

Metallica (a metal-band – the link there) is the only band to have played on all seven continents. (including Antarctica.)

Music has some pretty interesting effects on living things. It makes plants grow faster and cows produce more milk

For the year (In the year) 2016, Mozart sold more CDs than Beyonce

Prince is credited with playing 27 different instruments on his debut album. (Do YOU know how to play the piano?)

Listening to music can improve your physical performance. (This also APPLIES between the sheets.)

in other useless news…

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year

Animals that lay eggs don’t have belly buttons. Ummm – No sh!t?

Nearly 10 percent of ALL dreams include sex

It’s possible to turn peanut butter into diamonds.

And finally – Thank eff right!?

It’s been calculated that the average woman will “EAT” about FOUR POUNDS of lipstick throughout the course of her life. Umm… Blech!

A post to come in the near future…notsomuch useless stuff – but stuff that’s been MADE UP…Mostly by me…But..

Look out for them NodderWalldn!

All The Sh!t We Should Just KNOW

Justabit of a rant…

Most (about 99%) of the world’s laws, bylaws, rules, even like shampoo bottle warnings – are just common sense. I cannot believe I even have to say that, but I DO. If you have a fork in your hand – do you NEED to be told NOT to jab it in your eye? For most people the answer to that is NO sh!t!

I KNOW that you ARE capable of using, and recognizing, common sense. A LOT of you may appear on the surface that grasping that is a way beyond your capabilities – BUT IT IS NOT!

What brought this on is a bunch of questions put to jaxasms.ca about the Covid 19 thing. Mask up. Over your nose, over your chin, DUH? If UNFILTERED air is making it inside your body – cover it up? If the unfiltered air is making it inside your person – YOUR unfiltered air is out there to be inhaled. Again DUH. I am NOT a disease expert – an expert like Dr. Teresa Tam or Dr. Bonnie Henry – or an expert on ANYTHING medical. I am kinda like an expert on common sense. 1+1=2.
Stop and THINK a bit here kids

Do like me do. Compare everything to a campfire or stovetop. ALWAYS. Apply MY (what I call it) CampFire/StoveTop theory to your own self stuff. COMMON SENSE is your body’s/brain’s natural reaction to the CampFire Theory. If you touch the flames – you get burned. THAT is simple stuff AND it hurts! A bit of reinforcement of the ‘You’re an Idiot’ feeling. Common sense, or as I call it ‘notsomuch common sense,’ is the same. It’s what you USED when you DID NOT stick your face into the campfire.

Life is the same kids. THAT is HOW you muster up the common sense that SHOULD be required, and quite frankly, SHOULD be second nature to us stupid humans.

That’s it! You now have the tool necessary to execute on common sense Every. Single. Time. Now just use it! Woo-Hoo! Right?

But you won’t, and I will be saying this same stuff next week. Ok, whatever.

Phobias and 499 Other Things

I know that you know all about phobias. If not read or saw a many little quirk – but – experienced aversions to certain things. Sorta on that note – the following is a list, if you don’t suffer from katastichophobia, the fear of lists, of some of the weirdest, insanest, and WTF-est phobias known to the human being and condition.

To start the terrifying list – Cacophobia. This is the fear of ugliness that would certainly happen here if my ugly mug was pictured everywhere! Another notable specifically related to jaxasms.ca is coulophobia – the fear of clowns.
I think it would be safe to say that if you suffer from either, or BOTH, of those you MAY just suffer from Panophobia. The fear of EVERYTHING!

Now a list – that looks more like a list, and less like a rant or raving of a joker. Allodoxaphobia. The fear of opinions.

One of my faves is Arachibutyrophobia. Not because it’s a BIG word, but because I opinionate it’s just plain nut-bar crazy! It’s the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth! I should note that ALL of these phobias can be debilitating.

Eremophobia – Fear of solitude
Nomophobia – which MILLIONS have these days, the fear of being without your smart phone.
Plutophobia is the fear of money
Xanthophobia is a fear of the color yellow
Ablutophobia is a fear of bathing
Optophobia is a fear of opening one’s eyes. This fear can be extremely debilitating. Could you EVEN imagine this fear?
Globophobia is a fear of balloons 🎈
Koumpounophobia is the fear of buttons…
Omphalophobia is a fear of BELLY buttons
Hopefully you don’t suffer from Geliophobia, the fear of laughter
Anatidaephobia is the fear of being watched by a duck. Huh – Wha?Chorophobia is for many uncoordinated white guys like me – the fear of dancing.
Geliophobia: fear of laughter.
Heliphobia: the fear of sunlight
Deipnophobia: the ODD fear of dinner conversations
Neophobia: fear of new stuff
Syngenesophobia: the fear of your relatives! I get this one.
Geniophobia: Fear of chins!

Ablutophobia: the fear of washing and bathing. Just ewww – But it’s a usual on a bus, subway, or crowded theatre lobby

*might* be one of mine – Venustraphobia the fear of beautiful women!
This one I think EVERYONE MUST, or at least SHOULD, have – Taphophobia, which is the fear of being buried alive.

Myrmecophobia is a fear of ants
Ephebiphobia is a fear of teenagers
Alektorophobia: the fear of chickens/roosters

Crazy Squared?

Urophobia is the fear of urinating
Ambulophobia: fear of walking
Pteronophobia is the morbidly fearful fear of being tickled by a feather. (Take a moment or two to THINK about that one!)
Selenophobia: the fear of the moon.
Gamophobia is a fear I WISH I’d had – a fear of marriage! Ha.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is, ironically or purposefully, the fear of LONG WORDS!
Necrophobia – Fear of death or dead things

Add one from the Crazy Squared Crazy ward of the hospital –

Linonophobia which is the fear of STRING. (Def NOT a cat-thing)

Closing up shop today with these…

Philophobia: the fear of love
Erotophobia is the fear of sex.
Philematophobia which is the fear of kissing

AND Phobophobia – The fear of – you guessed it! – phobias.


Another story this week! This one – a story about (mostly daily) WHY’s I am sure you have asked yourself, a family member, a computer screen or yelled out to the sky!

• So milk goes bad on the counter AND in the fridge right? Ummm WHY doesn’t it go bad in the cow?

• Just HOW MANY times do you use a disposable razor – before dispensing of it?

• Drive-thru bank machines – you’ve probably used one right? Ummm WHY is there braille on the keypad?

• I think that it’s safe to say that other than on the top of the head, women do not like body hair – and shave it, and trim it, and bleach it, and burn it, and more. Ummm what about the eyebrows?

• Lots of you excersize and stay in shape every day – largely for the purpose of adding days, weeks, hours, and minutes to your life…and good for you! Buuuut. WHY? When all those hours you gained are more than squandered in the gym?

• Ummmm WHY isn’t there ‘mouse’ flavoured cat food?

• Ever blow in your dog’s face, or watch someone do it? They HATE it right? Ummm WHY? Top shelf on the fun level for dogs is travelling with their heads out the window

• You know your wool and cotton clothing, bedding, and stuff? You know how most of those shrink when you wash them right? Ummmm then WHY don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

WHY do women when they apply mascara – do it with their mouth open?

• Not a WHY – but – Do our pets have NAMES for us?

WHY is there a floatation device under your seat in an airplane and NOT a parachute?

• At what age does someone become elderly?

WHY is a moustache considered attractive on men, and not on women?

• What is the difference between a curtain and a drape?

• Back to air travel for a sec. This one has puzzled me for nearly the entirety of my life! WHY are there seat belts on an airplane and NOT on a bus?

• And further a little there…WHY is the lid of a coffin nailed down/shut?

And finally this day…notsomuch a WHY as a WHAT. However, had I written it a little different I could have quite easily made it a WHY. So it fits?

• What is the difference between a lollipop and a sucker?