Knix – NOT a Commercial

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AND definitely not an endorsement. That said. I am confident that my questions from the outside are valid, however i’m sure that at least a couple of you fine readers, and a couple of folks over there at Knix will be, at the very least, annoyed.

I see the commercials on TV and online and Knix is selling their ‘period-undies.’ The commercials say that their underpants are ‘The most reliable period-undies.’ And that women are tired of disposables, because they are disposable and they create garbage. Or a line similar to that. The commercial continues and I admit that I can’t recall the words, thanks in large part to the fact I was confused and troubled by the first 10-15 seconds. Now the name alone raised some questions in my squirrel brain, and that statement only perplexed me further. OBVIOUSLY, as a guy, I am not an expert on these sorts of things. Nor have I studied the subject enough (at all) to responsibly make any recommendations. Now the commercial uses the chemistry flask to pour a liquid in the undies, to show (oddly JUST like you’d see in a Pampers or Huggies commercial) that there is no leaking. Now the announcer says that the undies move with a woman’s body while asleep and indicates that women will not have to use those leaky, not working, tampons or pads that have been used for the last 500 years or so.

Think of these last paragraphs as one big question.

As I have already said, I’m a guy, so the intricacies of this might be a bit off. So I have taken directly from the commercial that these undies are to TAKE THE PLACE OF leaky tampons that, again, haven’t worked for the past 500 years. Now, the whole leak-guard Pampers thing to keep leaks in the underpants while sleeping, combined with it’s ability to absorb even more liquid, a woman will be mess-free. Seems reasonable right?

I know nearly every single one of you reading this have changed a diaper on a baby. Leak guard or not, I further assert that no matter how GREAT Pampers or Huggies or otherwise ARE – There’s a def reason WHY the top drawer in the change table, and the front pocket of the diaper bag, contain a product to treat your youngster’s diaper-rash. Am I the ONLY ONE seeing a problem with the plan Pinky and The Brain have come up with here? One last question. Ladies…a diaper?

Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?

Pinky: I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking… I mean, what would the children look like?

Narf!

A ‘Housekeeping’ Entry

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 I thought on it a bit but came up with nothing. Maybe YOU might have some ideas? Please. Let me know! 

Looking for a BETTER title, hook, or quip than – A ‘Housekeeping’ Entry – Thoughts?!

One more.

Look for the regular weekly post on new days! Entries will be added two times per week – Now on Mondays and Fridays, Look for posts those days, PLUS posts randomly written and published on the other 6 days of the wee, wait what? My maths look off there? Whatever – you get it right!?

A First Swim

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A – well…short question to get the train out of the station…In response to the most recent ‘shark’ story. Sounds kinda weird when i say it loud. Annnyway! The email had a name in the FROM box, but it sounds like she – I mean – the writer has done this before…and signed the email “anonymous.” Like I said – despite the ‘name’ issue…Anonymous wrote:

Hi jaxasms. I like the website. It’s small, but its funny sometimes. I wanted to ask you about the sharks in the tank. Why are they in that tank? And why would anyone jump in that tank? And die.

Well Anonymous. Thanks big, from the errr small website. I wasn’t insulted, please don’t be insulted by my response. I will ASSUME that those last two words “And die” were part of the previous sentence, and was just some bad grammar and WAS NOT a threat!

This is the first….So my suggestion, first, is stay frosty but not frozen frosty.

I am hoping you read your email again and wished you could havE corrected the name thing…and maybe asked yourself why did i ask the question like that? You asked WHY all those sharks were in that tank. Ummm.- BECAUSE, surprisingly, no one would let the zoo/aquarium? put the sharks in their swimming pool¿ You are THE FIRST to jump in so you get a medal for daring to do that! It’s kinda too bad that I have to skewer it.

Anonymous. I AM very much alive which means…….say it with me….WHY would you think that I ACTUALLY jumped into a tank filled with sharks?? Gimme a little on the first question! Ima dumb-ass squirrel and WILL DO many a dumb thing. Just not THAT dumb. At least not yet. Shhhhh. Thanks for the dumb question…typed your name there…but my delete works!

Thanks for the …. note -anonymous!.

notsomuch USELESS facks. part 1 of infinity and beyond! 💬

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A small bit of background to start. notsomuch useless facts POSTS will be almost like a list. I say almost because, once you see the lists, you’ll see that sarcasm MUST be acknowledged. You may want to take some notes so that at the next game night with your friends, you can ‘run the table’ on facks! so with no further ado….let’s get SERIOUS!

A Flamboyance? A Flamboyance is the name for a group of flamingos. How bout a group of pugs? The dog you know? They’re called a grumble. You know what that metal piece on your HB pencil that tends to get chewed up? It’s called a ferrule! Not feral like a cat – ferrule. How bout the sleeve that’s added to your to-go coffee cups to further prevent burning? I like this one! It’s called a ZARF! Funny, narf.

Did ja know, that divot on your upper lip is called a Philtrum? Yes. Yes it is. Sticking with the human body, babies. Our children. Born sans kneecaps. They grow in. One more human-like fack – our children, we call them kids. But they’re NOT KIDS! Kids are baby goats, not baby humans. That thing we often do when we first wake up – children through adult, when we yawn and stretch at the same time…we are pandiculcating! (Spellcheck doesn’t even like that one) The word, actually name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, and one more cartoony fack…The word NERD was made up by the Dr. Seuss in Cat In The Hat.

Animals…and words…A DORK is actually a whale’s penis. (Okay SERIOUSLY NOW! No more whale stuff for a while) More people are killed every year by donkeys, than killed in a plane crash. And I will single out, and finish, with this:

Did you know that a pig’s orgasm, lasts on average 30 minutes! Stop and think about one of your best multiples. An multiply by ummm well a lot to get to 30 minutes! I suck at math.

Quite often truth IS INDEED, stranger than fiction! Only in jaxasms can we smoothly travel from babies to whale penises and on to pig’s orgasms THAT smoothly!

After the first cupple posts, a cupple reader e’s sent emails. Sorta, word of the day, a cupple compliments, mostly, how do I say this, ahh criticisms, maybe a cupple questions in there, if i dig deep. For those who know me – you can attest to “going deep” – notsomuch my forte. (Forte sorta means like wheelhouse or specialty, but all French and stuff 👿)

Getting used to the way (I boldly call it style) I write yet? Whattya thinks?