…LITERALLY rapid-fire stick-people

a post maybe?

Friend: Can you turn on and pre-heat the oven jacK?
Me: [starts dancing seductively in front of the oven – removing my touque-hat]
Friend: Everything you do jacK… WHY?

People like to encourage you with helpful advice like “sing like no one is listening” or the very similar same statement ‘dance like no one is watching.’
The Next…time you go to the grocery store, take them with you. Once in the store’s produce section looking for bananas – stop walking – and DO EITHER OF THOSE TWO THINGS. Hell – do em both! Sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching! You’ll quickly see that the person that told you to do those things – didn’t REALLY want you to actually (or literally) DO those things.

some quick ones to wrap today’s rapid-fire…sorta like – or LITERALLY a bow.

This ‘being an adult’ is literally bullshit. Babies get praised for being able to hold their heads up on their own like bravo your neck works, stupid baby

Those stick figures on the back of your vehicle – I know that I THOUGHT it was your kill count – and that made perfect sense to me – 2nd option was the ‘passenger-manifest’ for when authorities or searchers literally found your SUV over an embankment. Notsomuch for identifying the bodies as identifying the NUMBER of bodies to literally EXPECT inside the wreck.

LITERALLY. Literally is literally one of the worst words literally ever. Next time this word enters your brain for you to SAY – literally BURN IT. The thought, the word, or the brain thinking it. You are MOST DEFINITELY going to use the word wrong. It doesn’t mean what YOU THINK it means so DON’T SAY IT! Please? EVER?

Ok misFits – i will literally see you next time.

Another conspiracy theory surrounding the Covid pandemic has risen to life like a medical-grade Frankenstein

#askjaxasms, a post maybe?

OTTAWA – Doctors and the Canadian Government made a sweetheart ‘vaccine deal’ — APPARENTLY to save the lives of millions of conspiracy theory surrounding a secret vaccine oath between Canadian doctors and the government has been confirmed, revealing medical professionals are pushing vaccinations in order to save your life.

According to Yellowit user @I_M_Alberta_born_baby, the conspiracy was unearthed after he held his new Vaccination card up to a bright light and discovered a hidden symbol: the smirking purple devil emoji. ‘😈’

“Canadian doctors were forced by the government to FORCE the public to get the LIFE-SAVING vaccinations or else they’d lose their jobs,” His Yellowit post went on, “Want proof? My friend Wayne’s brother’s girlfriend knows things. She listens to podcasts and reads stuff!”

There was something else about a snake and glad bagged chicken wings – but i nodded off and the screen timed out.

“I feel like we’ve been caught with our hands in the cookie jar,” said Doctor Bernadette Tubbs, who admitted to making the deal in a dark alley behind a hospital after she just finished doing back-to-back 24 hour shifts intubating 40-year-old covid patients.

“Now that Canadians know about our nefarious intentions to try and save people’s lives -“ Tubbs continued “ And save those lives through vaccinations, there is nothing we can do to retain anybody’s trust.”

In speaking with anti-vaxxer Katelyn Kalio, the mom of 6 told me that doctors are evil and should be in jail. “Why would I put foreign stuff in my body? [quick question Mrs Kalio – how did those 6 children get borneded? Whether by sex or by test-tube, SOMETHING foreign was put inside your body. THAT statement of yours, therefore, is patently FALSE.

Kalio finished by stating angrily, “We SHOULD be using the much talked about, on Facebook, drug Ivermectin. It’s at least proven to work deworming cows and horses alike. Good for them – SHOULD be good for you too.”

And with that I had to stop the interview and do what the former American president suggested and drink some bleach, followed by a healthy eye and ear rinse.

And just to add some more learning! Frankenstein was NOT the monster’s name. The dude that made him was Frankenstein, and the monster was named Frankenstein’s Monster. So there’s that.

In Latin – It’s Okay. Right? [part one]

@jaxasms

There ARE some swears

Ok. So I found some university books (why would anyone have THESE books if not for pretentious degrees!?

ANYWHO (m)

This is the LATIN phrase that dragged me into the rabbit hole. And I am sure you’ll see why!
“Quid infantes sumas”

The english translation? It is “What?! Are we babies?”
I KNOW RIGHT!?
So into the rabbit hole of Latin phrases of the – ummm – absurd? I strolled…

This one I use almost daily and many humans haven’t even seen it: My favourite: “Vade Retro Me, Santana.”

In the english: “Get off my back, Satan.”

And here’s the latinny list…

Latin: Felix culpa
English: Happy Accident

Latin: Perite
English: Fvck off.

Fac ut vivas
Get a life

Die dulci fruere
Have a nice day

Qualem muleirculam!
What a bimbo

Qualem blennum!
What a doofus!

Puto vos esse molestissimos
I think that you are very annoying

Morologus es!
You’re talking like a moron!

Te futueo et caballum tuum
Screw you and the horse you rode in on

And that brings us to the conclusion of part one. Part two is next time! In a few of days.