Tag: facXs

For you…A ‘Butt-Load’ **notsomuch useless. facks

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notsomuch useless. facks

A “butt load” is an actual unit of measurement, equivalent to 126 gallons.

HOWEVER – a sh!t load is NOT.

Staying with BUTTS for another…

Turtles can breathe out of their butts.

There are more stars in space than there are grains of sand on every beach on Earth.

Peanuts are not nuts. They grow in the ground, so they are technically legumes.

Not once in the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme does it mention that he’s an egg.

The dot over a small case “i” has a name. It is called a “tittle.”

The lint that collects in the bottom of your pockets also has a name. It is called a “gnurr.”

TRY to breathe and swallow at the same time —
You can’t.

the sarcmark

The SarcMark (short for “sarcasm mark”) is actually the trademarked creation of a man named Douglas Sak, who markets it as…the official, easy-to-use punctuation mark to emphasize a sarcastic statement or word in writing sans tone.

the world needs sarcastic

All The Sh!t We Should Just KNOW

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Justabit of a rant…

Most (about 99%) of the world’s laws, bylaws, rules, even like shampoo bottle warnings – are just common sense. I cannot believe I even have to say that, but I DO. If you have a fork in your hand – do you NEED to be told NOT to jab it in your eye? For most people the answer to that is NO sh!t!

I KNOW that you ARE capable of using, and recognizing, common sense. A LOT of you may appear on the surface that grasping that is a way beyond your capabilities – BUT IT IS NOT!

What brought this on is a bunch of questions put to jaxasms.ca about the Covid 19 thing. Mask up. Over your nose, over your chin, DUH? If UNFILTERED air is making it inside your body – cover it up? If the unfiltered air is making it inside your person – YOUR unfiltered air is out there to be inhaled. Again DUH. I am NOT a disease expert – an expert like Dr. Teresa Tam or Dr. Bonnie Henry – or an expert on ANYTHING medical. I am kinda like an expert on common sense. 1+1=2.
Stop and THINK a bit here kids

Do like me do. Compare everything to a campfire or stovetop. ALWAYS. Apply MY (what I call it) CampFire/StoveTop theory to your own self stuff. COMMON SENSE is your body’s/brain’s natural reaction to the CampFire Theory. If you touch the flames – you get burned. THAT is simple stuff AND it hurts! A bit of reinforcement of the ‘You’re an Idiot’ feeling. Common sense, or as I call it ‘notsomuch common sense,’ is the same. It’s what you USED when you DID NOT stick your face into the campfire.

Life is the same kids. THAT is HOW you muster up the common sense that SHOULD be required, and quite frankly, SHOULD be second nature to us stupid humans.

That’s it! You now have the tool necessary to execute on common sense Every. Single. Time. Now just use it! Woo-Hoo! Right?

But you won’t, and I will be saying this same stuff next week. Ok, whatever.

Phobias and 499 Other Things

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I know that you know all about phobias. If not read or saw a many little quirk – but – experienced aversions to certain things. Sorta on that note – the following is a list, if you don’t suffer from katastichophobia, the fear of lists, of some of the weirdest, insanest, and WTF-est phobias known to the human being and condition.

To start the terrifying list – Cacophobia. This is the fear of ugliness that would certainly happen here if my ugly mug was pictured everywhere! Another notable specifically related to jaxasms.ca is coulophobia – the fear of clowns.
I think it would be safe to say that if you suffer from either, or BOTH, of those you MAY just suffer from Panophobia. The fear of EVERYTHING!

Now a list – that looks more like a list, and less like a rant or raving of a joker. Allodoxaphobia. The fear of opinions.

One of my faves is Arachibutyrophobia. Not because it’s a BIG word, but because I opinionate it’s just plain nut-bar crazy! It’s the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth! I should note that ALL of these phobias can be debilitating.

Eremophobia – Fear of solitude
Nomophobia – which MILLIONS have these days, the fear of being without your smart phone.
Plutophobia is the fear of money
Xanthophobia is a fear of the color yellow
Ablutophobia is a fear of bathing
Optophobia is a fear of opening one’s eyes. This fear can be extremely debilitating. Could you EVEN imagine this fear?
Globophobia is a fear of balloons 🎈
Koumpounophobia is the fear of buttons…
Omphalophobia is a fear of BELLY buttons
Hopefully you don’t suffer from Geliophobia, the fear of laughter
Anatidaephobia is the fear of being watched by a duck. Huh – Wha?Chorophobia is for many uncoordinated white guys like me – the fear of dancing.
Geliophobia: fear of laughter.
Heliphobia: the fear of sunlight
Deipnophobia: the ODD fear of dinner conversations
Neophobia: fear of new stuff
Syngenesophobia: the fear of your relatives! I get this one.
Geniophobia: Fear of chins!

Ablutophobia: the fear of washing and bathing. Just ewww – But it’s a usual on a bus, subway, or crowded theatre lobby

*might* be one of mine – Venustraphobia the fear of beautiful women!
This one I think EVERYONE MUST, or at least SHOULD, have – Taphophobia, which is the fear of being buried alive.

Myrmecophobia is a fear of ants
Ephebiphobia is a fear of teenagers
Alektorophobia: the fear of chickens/roosters

Crazy Squared?

Urophobia is the fear of urinating
Ambulophobia: fear of walking
Pteronophobia is the morbidly fearful fear of being tickled by a feather. (Take a moment or two to THINK about that one!)
Selenophobia: the fear of the moon.
Gamophobia is a fear I WISH I’d had – a fear of marriage! Ha.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is, ironically or purposefully, the fear of LONG WORDS!
Necrophobia – Fear of death or dead things

Add one from the Crazy Squared Crazy ward of the hospital –

Linonophobia which is the fear of STRING. (Def NOT a cat-thing)

Closing up shop today with these…

Philophobia: the fear of love
Erotophobia is the fear of sex.
Philematophobia which is the fear of kissing

AND Phobophobia – The fear of – you guessed it! – phobias.