Various #askjaxasms Stuffs [aka: rapid-fires]

#askjaxasms, Hey jax!

by: jacK staffwriter

Hey jacK

a great friend of mine always ends up with the guy at the end of the night, instead of me, or unfortunately, in spite of me. why?
Sally via #askjaxasms

hey back sally!
not really sure the answer you’re looking for sally…nor am I even sure you have a question in your question. whatever – the answer i will offer is this:

You CAN do way better than a hook-up in a bar. MEETING someone – cool – but the hook-up? Do better than that.

OR – your great friend is a whore/slut, and you need to UP THAT PART of your game. I DO NOT recommend this – but if that’s what you want – UP the whore part and you’ll be successful anytime you want. The guys you’re trying to hook up with in the club or bar, for the most part, are dumb pigs. More skin…More dirty mouth…More whore.


hey jack.
Did you or do you really do porn?
Greta (toronto, canada) via

Hi Greta! Thanks for the note.
(Greta is referring to an earlier story – right here called porn.)

Greta… No I have not done porn. COULD do radio-porn maybe – but not anything visual. A NUMBER of reasons I won’t go into here. And Greta – i might REMIND you of the main character here on the good ship – sarcasms?

The Bigfoot. The Chupacabra. The Dinosaurs. The †Raphus Cucullatus†

a post maybe?

and The Humans Coming Soon!!

by jacK: staffwriter (

The dodo bird. I recently stopped by an old friend’s house for a beverage and dinner with him and his family.

First a Caveat — (A caveat is defined as a proviso of specific stipulations, conditions, or limitations. In this case more of an explanation to prevent misinterpretation.)

The caveat: I am NOT the poster-dude for family. Therefore this is NOT a story about family, but a story about humans. I AM one of those. Allegedly. The ‘old friend’ part – I can no longer relate to the guy – His home and other surroundings – and partially his taste in home and personal fashion.

Now there is a bit of a history that has always challenged my brain…so we’ll caveat that too.

Buddy’s name is Dave. notsomuch Lee Roth, Navarro, or Bowie but more a Hasselhoff.

Dave’s surroundings were more like a celebrity reality set than an actual home.

What I am about to do is LIST the stuff in Dave’s life to show a point.

Dave’s adult living/gaming/movie room – shared equally with his 2 pre-teen boys/sons – was like a modern-day museum of art and life. On the far side of the room was one of those classy leather futons finished with a blue sleeping bag for – sleeping? Well worn nonetheless. The TV was one of those big screens with an integrated sound systems.

In front of the massive eye/attention distracting entertaining unit – a Gaming seat. Alexa. TV. Radio/Satellite sources? T-shirt with a sport coat – and a pair of hip-jeans that looked as though they belonged on Shania Twain in an early 2000’s rock video about pick up trucks. Speaking of – he had THREE pickups in the driveway – two of them, he proudly stated, amounted to $1400+ a month in truck payments. Combined with the mortgage and the ‘suspected’ $100+ a day spending money – buddy HAD to be poor. At least house poor.

Both he and his wife have good jobs but still!? The daily/monthly/yearly costs appear on the side of bat-sh!t crazy.

The point I am trying to get at – I KNOW – I hear you muttering GET TO IT! Anyway, the point – While his life seemed great on the surface – I wondered beyond the surface. (That WILL be a startling story to come shortly. And if you didn’t get it – the explanation behind the title of this story and how it all goes together) The point – how could this be anything BUT non-relaxing, and downright miserable.

Looked great – but HAD to suck. Right? On this surface – what do YOU think? Come on – armchair diagnose this will ya?!?!

What’s THAT word again?

a post maybe?, Homeless

I know!

Wait. Nope i don’t.

Well if it COULD go wrong on the it HAS. You are here so at least part my house is working.
i will continue to work on the house – hopefully the will help to solve the other stuff.

AND on THAT note – look for stories real soon – if I am able to recover my data on the!

How exactly are humans NOT extinct?

words *absurd*

Space travel. Submarines. Super-Computers.

ALL created by a species that needs a warning label on carcinogenic cigarettes and HOT coffee? Say whatnow?

I present to you a product that you BUY to stick in your ear, that a company manufactures in order TO stick in your ear – complete with instructions on HOW to use it after sticking it into your ear.

And in perfect human form…ADD THIS WARNING LABEL TO THE BOX.

The warning label *Roughly translated: WARNING: DO buy/Thanks FOR buying our ear canal cleaner. Everything BUT the ear canal can be cleaned with a wash cloth and soap, so thank you. If used to clean ears? Umm I BOUGHT these notsomuch safety ear canal sticks to CLEAN my ears. And. Keep out of reach of your human children. They ARE your children. If you’re stupid enough to scratch your brain with one of these darts – I can almost GUARANTEE that they are MORE THAN stupid enough to do the same. The whole ‘genetic-lottery’ thing – that your offspring LOST.

AGAIN…Do NOT forget — STOP pushing the Q-tip into your skull if you feel ANY resistance.

Believe it or NOT humans aren’t extinct. yet.

sär-kä-zëms*sätires*wizDumbs*wits **

Tag: holy crapass!




While i was NOT paying attention this weekend – we here at STARTED celebrating hit number ten thousand last night. 10,002 this morning when I signed in to be exact.

So – thanks again kids! Some great stuff coming this week which means I will see you soon! This intranet thing is awesome amiright??!