poster-idiots eXploding lawnmowers and battery acid digestion

am i the only human seeing the absurdity in the statement above? i will concede that it’s one of those details not caught by most humans – cause who is REALLY paying attention to this stuff? Sadly I AM – also sadly – it drives me nuts.

HOW exactly have we come to this ridiculously low level? On the surface…it’s hysterical stuff – so i TRY to stick in the funny section – BUT… IT’s downright STUPID.

behind the warning labels and bizarre instructions on stuff, there are likely millions of crazy stories! one common sense story i EXPERIENCED back in the day…

a friend of my grandfather’s arrived to help with a broken down lawnmower. he was a small engine repair guy (had a small biz selling and repairing and maintaining small engines) SO he was VERY qualified to fix the mower.

long story short…first item on the engine check list – make sure there is fuel (gas) in the mower. so rick (mechanic friend) checked for fuel. he could not SEE fuel in the tank from the top – so he lit a match to brighten the area and tank up.

to this day – i have NO IDEA what this brainiac was thinking other than nothing – but even as a child i SAW where this investigation was going and… made the decision to DUCK? – BUT keep watching to see what happens.

what you are thinking – happened. despite staying to watch – i closed my eyes as the lawnmower exploded.

brainiac rick was burned but good. he forever lacked actual skin on one of his hands, both of his forearms and the majority of his chest. he had serious burns on his lips that required some high tech (at that time) surgery. his face – like his arms – was lacking in the skin department. and he also never again saw or felt eyebrows.

serious cosmetic injuries – but structurally he was ok.


fortunately for mister rick? – what very little brain matter he had – did NOT ooze out of his melted cranium.

that misFits – is both the WHY and the HOW of today’s sometimes hilarious warning labels. pick any item (even your pillow or bike helmet <YEA your bike safety gear has a warning label> )

anyway – pick the item and read the warning. there is a very specific reason FOR that warning – and another brainiac rick to serve as the poster-dummy visual for said warning.

NAH! they wOn’T sPiT on yOUr BurGEr!

common sense (long pause for dramatic effect) is (another pause – this time for the shatner effect) notsomuch common now is it? There is ALWAYS at least one dumb-dumb that (DESPITE the whole covid thing) sneezes or coughs without covering their mouth. Or the person who takes up two seats on a bus or a train or an airplane because they like to sit with their legs spread out. As much as we’d like to live in a world where everybody is well-mannered or NOT self centred – there will ALWAYS be people who lack common sense or mindfulness or basic manners in the most common of situations.

the list ahead WILL require you to use some of your own common sense and will lack SOME descriptors and SOME verbal lawn chair snacks that you will be required to assume. ok? good. moving on.

not using your turn signals

when exactly did it become normal for people to ignore the most basic rules of driving? did i miss a memo?

teXting and driving

Just don’t do this one. Don’t. You’re risking yours and someone else’s life for a text, it’s not worth it, and no matter what you’re typing, it will never be as important as being ALIVE at the road.

and speaking of…. 500 years on

consuming alcohol or drugs and driving

come on? really? THIS kinda SH!T is not only selfish AF – but also (a word that i almost NEVER use) it’s effin STUPID. yet ANOTHER reason why – the aliens just fly right by with locked doors

not leaving space with other cars on the highway

It’s a well-known fact that driving too close to someone is not safe, and no matter what you’re trying to prove, it’s in poor taste to harass somebody by driving as close as of couple of meters from their car.

placing the chicken breasts or chicken wings or hamburger or iced cream with the magazines or batteries at the cashiers’ stand

you decided NOT to purchase the frozen or perishable food item. (it happens – even to people who actually THINK.) but instead of retuning it to where you got it or even just rudely leaving the items with the cashier – you BRILLIANTLY decide that the pound of hamburger and the seafood medley really SHOULD have been located between the D-cell batteries and the 600 channel satellite tv guide.

i mean – the seafood doesn’t NEED to be kept at a SAFE temperature — just ask SpongeBob.

and the DUMBEST of all… being rude to your server or waiter or waitress or non binary – non ethnicity defining consumables cooked-or-otherwise deliverer person or home delivery driver (whatever is politically correct in 2023)

you know – that person who brings your food in a restaurant – or delivers your food to your home on the other days of the week? BRINGS YOU YOUR FOOD? that nourishment that goes IN YOUR MOUTH but NOT before passing through THAT person’s hands? hands that MIGHT have been washed and definitely NOT ANYWHERE NEAR the cracks of their perpetually – and safely – cleaned and sanitized asses.

and DON’T WORRY! not they nor SpongeBob will have spat on your Crabby Patty before it’s arrival to you. you can DEFINITELY TRUST the VERY poorly paid and the VERY poorly treated kids responsible for NOT tampering with your FOOD after you’ve been a top-shelf douche or dick-head to them.