Tag: really?

Plug your eyes and D!tch the Sh!t

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Do you – like me – ever listen, or read, or think, and then yell at nearly the top of your lungs – WHAT THE FFFFFugly FFFFug! If so, you’re likely to recognize some of the words, sentences, thoughts, and utterings below. Hopefully I don’t trigger you – but it WOULD be funnerer if I did right!?

So that you might find it easier to read todays story – Here is how it will be roughly laid out. First will be the title/category in which that group of D!tch and Sh!ts are housed. Then the word or phrase in need of the D!tch, followed by my comedic relief or badly placed in the stitch of time that we occupy’s, my reaction, the notsomuch common sense. The concern or fright and any other Sh!t that may apply! And now this:

Part One – ‘Do you even HEAR yourself speak?’

Can I Interrupt? You just effin did! Wouldn’t a statement work MUCH better? Maybe like Hey! I’m interrupting!

TBH – To Be Honest No matter what follows this statement it’s usually a lie. Check it.

It is what it is. Huh. This statement is just annoying. That’s what IT IS.

Part Two – ‘The extra words are for what now?’

We can DEFINITELY do that – But really. CAN you do it?

I’m LITERALLY puking – It literally makes no sense at all for the word literally to literally appear, in this sentence. Kids – take it from me – it is literally the best decision to make based on seismic data collected from the planet Mars. Apparently leaving the word literally OUT of a sentence, literally makes no literal difference in the meaning, or the literal impact, of the sentence. Literally – go back through this paragraph on literally puking, and literally remove the word ‘literally’ from it. The message of the paragraph remains unchanged – your tongue stays untangled – and your mind registers the win as a win-win win. You can literally remove all but 1 of the wins too. Sports is literally the worst metaphor for life.

How about ‘I PERSONALLY feel.’ I think the ‘I’ is personal and, much like literally, you can literally remove the extra word, personally, and literally NOTHING changes. And it sounds stupid too.

I will STOP 🛑 right here – let the brain take a rest. I WILL however come back to this story/topic and likely, or literally, continue to find this sh!t.

I, personally, can definitely say so long, with literally dozens of words sooooooooooo busy-bodied that I definitely, am personally literally puking them out for the sake of lunacy, literal lunacy, not the supposed commercial king that feeds on the donkey’s teet in order to totally transcend — stuff.

STOOPID FACKS!

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by jacK: staffwriter (jaxasms.ca)

Oh yea – couple things between now and then.

Thing 1 👇

Thing 2 👇👇

Uber-Useless Facks

Sometimes.

Knowing nothing is
well
knowing very little.

Most pandas in the world are on LOAN from China

The Super Soaker was designed and invented by a NASA engineer (That’s that American rocket science biz – run by 4th graders in Mrs. Lewis’ work experience (creating) class. Apparently)

Flamingos can only eat with their heads upside down

Barbie and Ken broke up in 2004. (But don’t worry kids!! They got back together in 2011.)

One single teaspoon of honey represents the LIFE work of 12 bees

It’s impossible to tickle yourself

Also impossible…licking your own elbow (tried it. I don’t buy this fact. And then I got distracted)

Finland has the most metal bands (that’s metal MUSIC) per capita

According to research, fans of classical music and those who love heavy metal have shown to have similar personalities

Metallica (a metal-band – the link there) is the only band to have played on all seven continents. (including Antarctica.)

Music has some pretty interesting effects on living things. It makes plants grow faster and cows produce more milk

For the year (In the year) 2016, Mozart sold more CDs than Beyonce

Prince is credited with playing 27 different instruments on his debut album. (Do YOU know how to play the piano?)

Listening to music can improve your physical performance. (This also APPLIES between the sheets.)

in other useless news…

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year

Animals that lay eggs don’t have belly buttons. Ummm – No sh!t?

Nearly 10 percent of ALL dreams include sex

It’s possible to turn peanut butter into diamonds.

And finally – Thank eff right!?

It’s been calculated that the average woman will “EAT” about FOUR POUNDS of lipstick throughout the course of her life. Umm… Blech!

A post to come in the near future…notsomuch useless stuff – but stuff that’s been MADE UP…Mostly by me…But..

Look out for them NodderWalldn!

All The Sh!t We Should Just KNOW

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Justabit of a rant…

Most (about 99%) of the world’s laws, bylaws, rules, even like shampoo bottle warnings – are just common sense. I cannot believe I even have to say that, but I DO. If you have a fork in your hand – do you NEED to be told NOT to jab it in your eye? For most people the answer to that is NO sh!t!

I KNOW that you ARE capable of using, and recognizing, common sense. A LOT of you may appear on the surface that grasping that is a way beyond your capabilities – BUT IT IS NOT!

What brought this on is a bunch of questions put to jaxasms.ca about the Covid 19 thing. Mask up. Over your nose, over your chin, DUH? If UNFILTERED air is making it inside your body – cover it up? If the unfiltered air is making it inside your person – YOUR unfiltered air is out there to be inhaled. Again DUH. I am NOT a disease expert – an expert like Dr. Teresa Tam or Dr. Bonnie Henry – or an expert on ANYTHING medical. I am kinda like an expert on common sense. 1+1=2.
Stop and THINK a bit here kids

Do like me do. Compare everything to a campfire or stovetop. ALWAYS. Apply MY (what I call it) CampFire/StoveTop theory to your own self stuff. COMMON SENSE is your body’s/brain’s natural reaction to the CampFire Theory. If you touch the flames – you get burned. THAT is simple stuff AND it hurts! A bit of reinforcement of the ‘You’re an Idiot’ feeling. Common sense, or as I call it ‘notsomuch common sense,’ is the same. It’s what you USED when you DID NOT stick your face into the campfire.

Life is the same kids. THAT is HOW you muster up the common sense that SHOULD be required, and quite frankly, SHOULD be second nature to us stupid humans.

That’s it! You now have the tool necessary to execute on common sense Every. Single. Time. Now just use it! Woo-Hoo! Right?

But you won’t, and I will be saying this same stuff next week. Ok, whatever.

I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE ASKING WHY! CAN I?

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Another story this week! This one – a story about (mostly daily) WHY’s I am sure you have asked yourself, a family member, a computer screen or yelled out to the sky!

• So milk goes bad on the counter AND in the fridge right? Ummm WHY doesn’t it go bad in the cow?

• Just HOW MANY times do you use a disposable razor – before dispensing of it?

• Drive-thru bank machines – you’ve probably used one right? Ummm WHY is there braille on the keypad?

• I think that it’s safe to say that other than on the top of the head, women do not like body hair – and shave it, and trim it, and bleach it, and burn it, and more. Ummm what about the eyebrows?

• Lots of you excersize and stay in shape every day – largely for the purpose of adding days, weeks, hours, and minutes to your life…and good for you! Buuuut. WHY? When all those hours you gained are more than squandered in the gym?

• Ummmm WHY isn’t there ‘mouse’ flavoured cat food?

• Ever blow in your dog’s face, or watch someone do it? They HATE it right? Ummm WHY? Top shelf on the fun level for dogs is travelling with their heads out the window

• You know your wool and cotton clothing, bedding, and stuff? You know how most of those shrink when you wash them right? Ummmm then WHY don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

• WHY do women when they apply mascara – do it with their mouth open?

• Not a WHY – but – Do our pets have NAMES for us?

• WHY is there a floatation device under your seat in an airplane and NOT a parachute?

• At what age does someone become elderly?

• WHY is a moustache considered attractive on men, and not on women?

• What is the difference between a curtain and a drape?

• Back to air travel for a sec. This one has puzzled me for nearly the entirety of my life! WHY are there seat belts on an airplane and NOT on a bus?

• And further a little there…WHY is the lid of a coffin nailed down/shut?

And finally this day…notsomuch a WHY as a WHAT. However, had I written it a little different I could have quite easily made it a WHY. So it fits?

• What is the difference between a lollipop and a sucker?

sapiophile, sapiosexual, and the Unique Art of Stupidity.

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A sapiophile is someone who is attracted to intelligence or intelligent people. This attraction can be romantic, friendship, and/or sexual.

A sapiosexual person is someone who finds intelligence ‘sexually’ attractive.
And sapiophiles are generally intelligent themselves.

Nearly EVERY TIME I hear or read sapiosexual, or see or hear somebody talking about that or sapiophile – they are getting it wrong. Sort of like ‘they’re and their and there.’ Only worse.

Anyway…over there on the twitter – some SERIOUSLY use the app like a dating site as he mentions below. And I was reading this guy’s twitter bio thing – and this is a portion what it said:

wait – PRO-tip. One without a law degree would think that the tweets (once you tweet them,) become public domain – but NOPE – if you TWEET it – it’s all yours for like 160 years or something. Squirrel! Rabbit! Anyway…If you did not ‘get’ what I just said — No worries – it can be left up there and basically forgotten. It’s only a PRO-tip if you are sapio and you really, REALLY, care.

The bio: “I am a sapiopile. If your a sapiophile too im your man. I like you educated and wise beyond youre years. This isn’t a dating profile so lets talk about something else. Like my funny tweets!”

Originally somewhere on the Twitter.com

Honestly…my head exploded again writing that. It just keeps popping! So one last head explode as we talk the profile.

As defined up at the top – sapiophile – sorta-like intelligent‽ !?

DUDE. For an intelligent guy looking for an intelligent grrrl, and a girl…one of you is an idiot – and we’ve heard NOTHING from her. THUS Mr. Sapio…. do the math. Your little blurb up there one part at a time. You spelled ‘sapiophile’ WRONG. You spelled ‘your’ WRONG. Missed the comma after too. Spelled ‘I’m’ WRONG. AGAIN spelled ‘your’ WRONG. Spelled ‘let’s’ WRONG.

DUDE. For an intelligent guy…You’re an idiot. Idiot.