stoopid humans

Unprecedented NOTHINGS! [Disputed Facts, Fake News, NSFW – BBW’s.] {Nearly}

@jaxasms

Pandemic catch-phrases,
NSFW buzzwords-but-why’s,
18+ ID should-be requirements for Disney + and a Crave?

Back in unprecedented news…

My brain hurts just getting that title and introduction out of my head. I wrote it and still had to read, re-read, and start over 4 times to get to here.

And now here…
As we’ve hearded a ka billion times over the past about-2 years
We are ‘all in this together.’
2020/2021
English took it all like a champ – but as humans quite often do – we ganged up on English and beat it like a dead horse.

Then we ran out of toilet paper?

OK, it was really MORE than just toilet paper. It was hair dye and canned soda and jigsaw puzzles. All those things that—who knew?— made our human lives worth living.

In addition to something about Gwyneth Paltrow we’ve seen the epic smell and taste of bacon — just about everywhere—from candles – I *think* Gwyneth had something to do with that one – or maybe it was donuts or yule logs. Anyway leave it to 2020/2021 and humans to bring us THIS: a Hormel bacon-scented Black Label mask. Beats the smell of…

AND speaking of masks, Burger King added it’s 2 scents. AND levelled it up in terms of the safety. Howso? GREAT question! It’s been well-documented that speaking (spitting WHILE speaking) is one of the main ways the COVID is transmitted, so to help with that risk too, Burger King created these face-coverings that came pre-printed with people’s BK orders so they didn’t have to speak.

Arby’s: The Deep Fried Turkey Pillow Nap Hat

Arby’s created a turkey-shaped pillow and nap hat that cradles your melon. The hats, available for $60, sold out immediately after they were released. Seriously. Humans ate THIS up too. I like the ‘nap-hat’ part of it’s name, but…

Pizza Hut and Ikea teamed up. Strangely – but…

Pizza Hut and Ikea partnered on what was one of the oddest co-branded ideas of the time — a table shaped like a pizza saver. The SÄVA was a giant-size version of the little doodad that helps your pizza-pies from getting squished in the box, and it was available for sale at Pizza Hut restaurants to those who purchased the restaurant’s new pie featuring Ikea’s popular – meatballs.

notsomuch different than almost ANY resin table?

Pizza Hut X Gravity Blanket: The Original Pan Weighted Blanket!

Pizza was busy under the hut despite the ‘restaurant-complication.’ Would it be true that human greed will imagine almost anything – and then BUY the almost anything? A 15-pound weighted blanket that looks just like the Original Pan pizza. The Original Pan Weighted Blanket costed $150. And, just like the Arby’s turkey helmet, sold out immediately.

Heinz: Ketchup Puzzle

Thanks to the pandemic, jigsaw puzzles saw renewed popularity this year, with the quarantined seeking different ways to stay entertained as the walls of their homes started to feel like they were closing in. Heinz Ketchup and agency Rethink jumped on the bandwagon by introducing a particularly difficult jigsaw challenge: its own puzzle of 570 pieces (a nod to the ketchup’s name), each of which was colored a solid Heinz red.

Kraft Pumpkin Spice Mac & Cheese

Hummus and Deodorant did it. So Mac & Cheese was… only logical.
Last year, Kraft Mac & Cheese did the unprecedented! and jumped on the fall-time bandwagon of lunacy and lug nuts.

FaceTime / Zoom et al.

Just as not every email needs to be a meeting, not every meeting needs to be a video chat. We want to feel connected, but we really need to resolve to use them sparingly. Also, please stop taking the calls from your bed. You’ve had months to perfect your video chat etiquette

Heroes

From retail to healthcare, marketers called out front-line workers as heroes in pandemic ads, banners and signs. It would have seemed more sincere had the copy read: “We’re boosting our heroes’ pay 50% by cutting senior executive salaries and bonuses, because why should they make so much more than the front-line workers just for sitting home on Zoom meetings

Fake news

Unprecedented last…

This adjective showed up in countless ads and press releases this spring and summer. It was useful for everyday conversations, too, such as: “In these unprecedented times, I’m going for a walk.” Yet, sadly, these times aren’t entirely unprecedented. There’s the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918-19. The Black Death. Etc

A possible sum for the last couple years: the BBW part. BUZZWORDS… BUT WHY? Buzzwords are the bomb these days – perhaps as foretold by our Modern-Day Marketing Nostradamus Ryan Reynolds?

Stupid – Stupid Humans

sar-kast-inks., wizDumbs

This Covid thing has provided me with some good, quality, people watching opportunities. I LOVE watching them – Just NOT a fan of talking to them.

ANYway. One city is quarantined – it’s next door neighbour is not. One country is closed down and the US remains open for business. One airline is shut down – while another is there with extra flights.

Call me a dummy, a pessimist, a glass-half-empty, or even an encourager – BUT

Isn’t that like having a ‘pee-section’ in the neighbourhood swimming pool? Well, except the death part.

why so effin angry bro?

Homeless, Narcissist-ing

Probably a question we humans SHOULD be asking ourselves in the morning mirror instead of ego-boosting self flatteries, or on the internet asking which fetish for breakfast on the PornHub this morning.

Humans NEED to calm the fvck down. It’s just like the majority of our earthly problems in 2021 (NO. Not covid) – it’s rooted in our extreme encouraged narcissism.

I ACTUALLY have to weed through the letters to me here at jaxasms.ca – to outright DELETE some of the hateful words, comments, insults, blah blah blah. HATE. HATE. HATE. I get SOME of the anger (at least mine) cause other humans suck, I suck, and you suck.

But really? We MUST just calm the fvck down kids!

I mean, honestly, we are angry about the MOST ridiculous things that DO NOT directly impact any of us. Who cares if your nosey neighbour walks his dog at 5am? Does it actually affect you in ANY way? No, no it doesn’t. A dog in the cul-de-sac barking non-stop? The answer is in the statement – NON-STOP. That ‘non’ word dear human MEANS NO! In this case NO STOPPING! So it’s annoying, yes, it’s not necessary, yes – but it is def NOT worth popping-your-top over? Right?

Notsomuch COMMON SENSE abound. In the dog, the dog owner, the neighbours, and YOU.

EVERY human (including me, including you) NEED to just calm the fvck down. Stop being so angry! Bro?