you know when you are at the coffee shop and you open up your wifi connection? you generally see a list of (mostly password protected) wifi hubs/hosts/homes? other day i saw a funny NAME for a connection – and it kinda made me think. (and think is what i was doing ANYWAY at 3am!)
here are some of the thinks i thunk at three:
REname your wifi router one of these names and entertain your wifi thieves! OR BETTER YET – you’re funnier than I am – YOU name it and send me the name you named it! please?
1. This is Internet
2. Click Here for Wifi
3. No Internet Access
4. notsomuch Secured
5. No Connections Available
6. Connection Failed
7. Already Connected
9. Please Wait…
10. error 407 network unavailable
12. Password is Password4321 (ALL numbers UPPERcase)
13. Password is Gullible
7. Pretty fly for a wifi
15. Automatically Connected
16. Please re-enter the ccv code on the reverse side of your credit card to confirm your identity
17. Please Note: keystrokes are recorded for training and quality assurance purposes
18. i did Your wifi last night
20. FBI Command Van 13
7. Press 9
23. Open Sesame
24. Girls Gone Wifi
25. Boys Gone Wifi
26. Wifis Gone
27. DDouble Click to Connect
30. virus free! wink wink
31. suPer Highway to Hell
32. Wait Stop! No Go.
33. Think Before Clicking
thinks i thunk
Part one of a multiple part series looking at cliches and nearly-cliches that drive me nuts! I will TRY NOT to editorialize a tonne throughout – *Note: I said TRY!
“To Be Honest”
How it’s generally said and generally heard: “To be honest, I’d rather drink a bottle of bleach than let you bleach my butt.”
What almost always follows the ‘To Be Honest’ opener is either a straight-up lie OR an exaggeration the person saying it feels is worthy of the ‘appeared’ grandiose statement. A great response…
So everything else you’ve ever said was dishonest then?…you
Example of said and heard: “Basically, quantum theory is about small stuff we can’t see.”
This beauty is used by someone who thinks they are SO INTELLIGENT that they have to stupid-it down for everyone else.. Some people like to think ALL the information they bequeath is so epic that the stupid-it needs to be highlighted.
“I’m Not Even Joking”
Example of it’s use: “I once rode a dinosaur in a shopping mall, I’m not even joking.”
I’m not even joking.
SERIOUSLY though – if dinosaurs did NOT go extinct…you can bet I’d take one out for a spin or two! Jurassic-style.
“With All Due Respect”
My own example of use: ‘With all due respect – I am going to disrespect you now. Spoodge.’
It’s really a lame, weasel-like statement that tries to FURTHER insult the intelligence of the ‘hearer.’ It’s a middle finger used by petulant – arrogant humans.
“Giving It 110%”
Example of the statement in actual use: “It was hard work, but I gave it all of my 110%.”
I suck at mathematics. But even I know that 110% isn’t an actual number. To the speaker of this statement we’ll pretend a guy named Garth — I respond as such…
‘With all due respect Garth, to be perfectly honest, you are basically an idiot – I’m not even joking. Spoodge.
Friend: Can you turn on and pre-heat the oven jacK?
Me: [starts dancing seductively in front of the oven – removing my touque-hat]
Friend: Everything you do jacK… WHY?
People like to encourage you with helpful advice like “sing like no one is listening” or the very similar same statement ‘dance like no one is watching.’
The Next…time you go to the grocery store, take them with you. Once in the store’s produce section looking for bananas – stop walking – and DO EITHER OF THOSE TWO THINGS. Hell – do em both! Sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching! You’ll quickly see that the person that told you to do those things – didn’t REALLY want you to actually (or literally) DO those things.
some quick ones to wrap today’s rapid-fire…sorta like – or LITERALLY a bow.
This ‘being an adult’ is literally bullshit. Babies get praised for being able to hold their heads up on their own like bravo your neck works, stupid baby
Those stick figures on the back of your vehicle – I know that I THOUGHT it was your kill count – and that made perfect sense to me – 2nd option was the ‘passenger-manifest’ for when authorities or searchers literally found your SUV over an embankment. Notsomuch for identifying the bodies as identifying the NUMBER of bodies to literally EXPECT inside the wreck.
LITERALLY. Literally is literally one of the worst words literally ever. Next time this word enters your brain for you to SAY – literally BURN IT. The thought, the word, or the brain thinking it. You are MOST DEFINITELY going to use the word wrong. It doesn’t mean what YOU THINK it means so DON’T SAY IT! Please? EVER?
Ok misFits – i will literally see you next time.