an irony – a sarCastony – a couple pictures – and some notsomuch nice words

#askjaxasms, @jaxasms, useless

Let’s get it started with a bit of a summary? If not a summary – a possible, maybe probable, an onomatopoeia.

your an idiot

**millions and millions on that internet thing all the kids are buzzing about

onomatopoeia (LOOK AT ALL THOSE VOWELS!) – definitely irony. On all of the social medias i partake in, including reputable blogs and websites, you (me) find that exact statement. Word for every three words of idiocy. see the irony in there?

Hint: it’s YOU’RE not your – (snark*)

Pro-Tip: as you read – HEAR it in the biggest sarcastic voice you can imagine*

jacK

Onward and upward – actually downward but…

the dead dog and donKey award! if you are sarCastic – or you know a masTersarCaster – show me the stuff – I’ll show up with the award.

A new self portrait
Not a selfie

This ditty was made by someone else and contributed over there on the twitter – @jaxasms

QUITE A FEW more! Cept the two jaXasms items that i made – the others are all submitted by readers like you! The shoes are MINE! Only the best dress/sports/casual shoes EVER made!

And LASTERLY superheroes and characters on the toilet! JUST WHAT YOU WANTED RIGHT?

Another conspiracy theory surrounding the Covid pandemic has risen to life like a medical-grade Frankenstein

#askjaxasms, a post maybe?

OTTAWA – Doctors and the Canadian Government made a sweetheart ‘vaccine deal’ — APPARENTLY to save the lives of millions of conspiracy theory surrounding a secret vaccine oath between Canadian doctors and the government has been confirmed, revealing medical professionals are pushing vaccinations in order to save your life.

According to Yellowit user @I_M_Alberta_born_baby, the conspiracy was unearthed after he held his new Vaccination card up to a bright light and discovered a hidden symbol: the smirking purple devil emoji. ‘😈’

“Canadian doctors were forced by the government to FORCE the public to get the LIFE-SAVING vaccinations or else they’d lose their jobs,” His Yellowit post went on, “Want proof? My friend Wayne’s brother’s girlfriend knows things. She listens to podcasts and reads stuff!”

There was something else about a snake and glad bagged chicken wings – but i nodded off and the screen timed out.

“I feel like we’ve been caught with our hands in the cookie jar,” said Doctor Bernadette Tubbs, who admitted to making the deal in a dark alley behind a hospital after she just finished doing back-to-back 24 hour shifts intubating 40-year-old covid patients.

“Now that Canadians know about our nefarious intentions to try and save people’s lives -“ Tubbs continued “ And save those lives through vaccinations, there is nothing we can do to retain anybody’s trust.”

In speaking with anti-vaxxer Katelyn Kalio, the mom of 6 told me that doctors are evil and should be in jail. “Why would I put foreign stuff in my body? [quick question Mrs Kalio – how did those 6 children get borneded? Whether by sex or by test-tube, SOMETHING foreign was put inside your body. THAT statement of yours, therefore, is patently FALSE.

Kalio finished by stating angrily, “We SHOULD be using the much talked about, on Facebook, drug Ivermectin. It’s at least proven to work deworming cows and horses alike. Good for them – SHOULD be good for you too.”

And with that I had to stop the interview and do what the former American president suggested and drink some bleach, followed by a healthy eye and ear rinse.

And just to add some more learning! Frankenstein was NOT the monster’s name. The dude that made him was Frankenstein, and the monster was named Frankenstein’s Monster. So there’s that.

So this thing kinda happened…

#askjaxasms, sar-kast-inks.

It’s the Sunday, Holy day? As usual I fell out of bed at 4am and my intentions said it was a day of writing – the book and stories HERE.

©️jacK @4am rolling out of the coffin

It’s 5 now. 5PM specifically. Day GONE! Lots of *new music on the playlists listening – and that damned rabbit-hole – NOT the sarCast – but that internet thing. And for YOU this evening then…A recap of my wasted day! Fun right? HELLS TO THE YEA! Ya.
A bit of a longer post BC fotos? Ha. Optional I hear. Anyway… All aboard the trainwreck…

First stop THIS:

©️obviously the english is optional

There are a few stops in that – whatsitagain? Yea covid I think it was. Well is – I don’t talk about it here SAVE TODAY as I found gems like all these. How this will work – just a Sunday night wander with jacK’s brain!

©️ like i said – a few like this

Human’s have appeared to have forgotten what it is to human.

©️ in case you were wondering – everyone was wearing a mask.
©️ moving right along. Yelp is IN public toilets now
©️ a long sign… but worth the read!
©️ and then i laughed and laughed and i laughed

Morals…and Stüff

@jaxasms, useless

by jacK: staffwriter (jaxasms.ca)

First quote below is from a CV, second is from an intranet dating site, third is from a local newsletter. ALL of them extolling the virtues of sarcasm. Almost.

<Author redacted>

“…when my business, family, or personal life is challenged, I sincerely appreciate my unique ability to use sarcasm as a tool.”

Okay then Mr. Human Resources Manager.

<Author redacted>

“…men love my sarcastic AF attitude – and I love that sarcasm is like my love language.”

Please Miss. Don’t even CONSIDER me to be loved by you. Love your love-language? The kids table is right over there. Tuh-tuh-shhhhhhh

<Reporter/Restaurant Owner Guy redacted>

“…sarcasm and sarcastic attitudes are what helps our kitchen operate successfully under the extreme pressure felt by having the most popular restaurant in town.”

Just boil an egg buddy. Stay TF away from my home kitchen.

NOW kids, the english definition of the key word used in those three examples.

<Webster’s Dictionary Online>

sarcasm
a.: a mode of satirical wit depending, for its effect, on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual

b.: the use or language OF sarcasm.

And there’s more kids!…some questions/ideas on all that up there…generally speaking.

HOW…After seeing ESPECIALLY the definition of sarcasm, can you possibly think that using it as a descriptor of WHO YOU ARE – is a good thing?

All of the definitions are negative. If you’ve ever been personally sarcasted, you know it doesn’t REALLY feel all that good.

Having sarcasm in your toolbox for your work with others might ‘actually’ be useful to you – BUT – saying so on a CV is probably NOT in your best interest dum-ass.

A CV is an academic or pretentious version of your ‘resume.’ A CV uses probably EVERY smart word in your BRAIN’S toolbox before you are able to finish the ‘contact’ (address/phone number) part.

Curriculum Vitae, a Latin term meaning course of life, got tossed about a lot when I was in graduate school. I’m fairly sure that I pretended to know what it meant the first few times I heard it, only to go home and Google it or look it up in the dictionary*, and educate myself before it came up in casual conversation again.

*A dictionary is/was a shorter – but longhand bound/paper version of Google – BEFORE there was a Google, and before this intranet thing started to gain some popularity.

I quickly learned that dissertation-defending PhDs didn’t have resumes, they had CV’s. Unlike the resume, which lists work history and experiences, along with a brief summary of your unique skills and education, the CV is a far more comprehensive document. It goes above and beyond a mention of education and work experience and often lists—in thoughtful detail—your achievements, awards, honors, and publications, stuff universities care about when they’re hiring teaching staff. Unlike a resume, which is rarely longer than a one-sided single page, the CV can be two, six, or even 12 pages long—depending on your professional achievements.

And the moral of this story is in your C and your V. (Not THAT V. Or I guess the C too.)

Next…

What’s THAT word again?

a post maybe?, Homeless

I know!

Wait. Nope i don’t.

Well if it COULD go wrong on the jaxasms.ca it HAS. You are here so at least part my house is working.
i will continue to work on the house – hopefully the wordpress.com will help to solve the other stuff.

AND on THAT note – look for stories real soon – if I am able to recover my data on the wordpress.com!